Da da da da daaaa... (that is the tail end of the song when the show begins. You got that, right?)
Anyway, the amazingly awesome athlete is... Kristie Barnes!
Wait, who is Kristie Barnes? She's the female wrestler? But girls can't be wrestlers, silly!
But they can, my friends. At Bayside High, where anything is possible, they can.
So what do we remember about Kristie? Okay, here goes...
Kristie is new at school and tries out for the wrestling team. The coach, who randomly has a Bronx accent (don't be fooled by the rocks that he got!), can't IMAGINE that a GIRL would want to play a man's game. Wait, you don't play wrestling. What's the right word? Anyway, Kristie is all kinds of dreamy in her super-tight leotards and camel-toe a-blazin', and everyone is immediately up in arms about this whole situation in one way or another - the wrestlers don't think she should hit the mats, while everyone else (led by curly cutie Jessica Myrtle Spano) thinks it's Crazytown to be so sexist! She is prepped to protest when she walks in on Slater and Kristie rehearsing (that CAN'T be right) and Kristie says "Hold me tighter!" and Jessie gets PIIIIIIIIISSED and assumes her afroed animal now only has eyes for Kristie.
This was during the heyday of Bayside's very own radio station (I wish I remembered the name and call letters, but I don't. I think I replaced that knowledge with memorizing the phone number to Papa Gino's), where the gang dominated the airwaves with hot gossip, cool protests (thanks, Jessie) and sports talk.
Anyway, Jessie broadcasts on the radio that girls can't do anything and shouldn't have the right to vote and because Jessie is the crazy one who protests nuclear war via posters in her bedroom, it is immediately revealed that K-Town and Albert Clifford were only "practicing moves" (i.e. third base only), all goes back to normal and after one match, our little wrestlette is never seen again.
Kristie also obviously goes on a date with Zack and wears a dress so we get our obligatory cat call of the episode, but I forget everything else.
To the Interwebs! (For now - sopa, huh?)
Christy Barnes was a female wrestler who joined the team despite much protest from Coach Sonski. She and Zack dated, and Zack was embarrassed when Christy beat up a valley punk who was trying to fight with Zack. Although Christie and Slater’s relationship was purely wrestling-related, Jessie ended up getting jealous as the two spent time together in the gym in close physical contact. When Jessie insulted Christy but realized she was wrong about who the female wrestler liked, she joined forces with Zack to convince Christy to rejoin the team, and Zack resumed dating her. Christy did not appear in any future episodes. She was portrayed by Krystee Clark.
1. I like my spelling of Kristie better.
2. Krystee Clark? Challenge. That is NOT a real name.
3. OMG please be advised this exists on IMDB:
Born in the tiny town of Palatka, this only child was raised in the Florida sunshine. It all began when her parents met at the Azalea Festival. Her mom was a contestant in the beauty pageant and her dad was a judge. Guess who won. Krystee spent most of her childhood in St. Petersburg where she cherished the most beautiful beaches in the world.
Her talents were nurtured from the start. She tried her hand at everything from dancing and singing to playing piano and the flute, from ice-skating and horse back riding, to juggling and twirling the baton. This three time state champion twirler had Olympic dreams! Unfortunately, baton twirling never made it as an Olympic event. What a shame.
Being precocious and independent, Krystee graduated from high school and moved to Los Angeles at 16. Over the years, she has made memorable appearances on some of television's most popular shows including 7th Heaven, Roseanne, and Boy Meets World. Remembered for her kick-ass role on Saved By The Bell, this lovely lady wrestler helped Bayside win the championships! It has become one of the most talked about episodes in the show's history.
Krystee played Trish Putterman, the battery operated robotic teenager in a series of Duracell Battery commercials. As a Putterman, she sported state-of-the-art latex prosthetics and a head-to-toe plastic wardrobe taking up to 4 hours a day to apply. The kitschy campaign was directed by Barry Sonnenfeld and became a phenomenon in the 90s including T-shirts, phone cards, even Halloween costumes.
Krystee seems to have endless amounts of creativity except when it comes to naming pets. Her Papillon dog is named "Papillon". She hates talking on the phone but is a voracious reader. She spends her afternoons at museums and people watching and swears they feed the same need. She is definitely a night person, but is often spotted watching the sunrise after a night of dancing.
She is a self-proclaimed "Pop Culture Junkie". She sees at least two movies a week at a theater, is proud to be a Disneyland annual pass holder, and could never have an ipod big enough to hold her ever-growing library of music. She is addicted to Rockstars (the energy drinks and the men). She has seen hundreds of concerts and makes an annual pilgrimage to the Coachella Music and Arts Festival.
Krystee spends her spare time as a "Seeing Eye Dog" for her aunt who lost her eyesight to diabetes. She volunteers at an elementary school and actively recycles. Add her warm and charismatic personality and you would think she was "practicing for sainthood".
Krystee is currently working on a sketch comedy show called Static. It seems like the perfect gig to show off her versatility and innate comedic talent. After all, she does love laughing at herself!
This is literally the worst thing I have ever seen. I am in HEAVEN. Oh, Krystee! You are so funny! It was definitely written by the creep who sits outside her house and sends her meatloaf in the mail. Oh, those crazy stalkers! So full of whimsy and delight!