Do we like this?  Do we do it?  I have nothing interesting to say, but find that other people do.  Advise. 

Also, Candace Cameron has Twitter.  Does Kelly Kapowski?  She must, right?  If yes then I am all in.

Update: Okay, I did it.  So far, I don't really get it.  But I am following DJ, Kelly Kapowski, and Kimmy Gibbler.  And TB, of course. 


Cute Baby Pictures... A Mystery in Two Acts

So Bink is a very cute, animated baby (not a cartoon baby, silly!) that I would like to take pictures of sometimes.  Not all the time, but sometimes.  However, this never happens the way I want because I do not know how to take nice pictures.  How do I do this?  It's dire.  For reals.  Please see below, taken over the course of maybe five minutes...
Not great.
I have 58490368905 of these.  One nanosecond earlier, she was looking at me adorably.

I am not hurting her here.  She is falling over herself to get her hands on the camera and I am saving her from cracking her head open.


So this weekend we were enjoying some family time in front of the TV, watching The Pregnancy Pact - a Lifetime movie that I DVRed that none of you should watch, ever, because it is beyond stupid, when we started discussing the fact that I blog and that I have many Internet friends that I prefer to him and he was like "You still do that?"  And I was mortally offended, obviously, and he said that he wanted to read it.  So I let him.

OMG, this is what happened.

So I am sitting in front of him (like, two inches away, so as to inspect every facial expression and nuance, etc.) waiting for his laughter, tears, and the renewed realization that I am actually the woman of his dreams...



And more crickets....

Finally, he says "I went to a real Ivy.  Why did you put it in quotation marks?"

So then I punched him in the face, moved Bink and I out, and now we're roaming the countryside as hoboes on the rails, learning, living and eating beans in cans.

Fine, we're not.  But I was furious!  He begrudgingly admitted some things were funny, but I know the truth.  He's just mad because I'm the funny one and he's the one everyone likes.  Whatever, Husband.  You and your "IVY" (!!!!! what a snob!) can suck it!


The Tooth

My first job was at a law firm.  I was a paralegal and all of the paralegals and legal assistants were basically getting it on and falling in love and drunk at all times.  I know, SO professional.  Whatever, I was 22.  Anyway, for the company outing that first year we did one of those "everyone play team sports and then we'll have a cookout" things, to which my friends and I were like "um, no thanks, I think we'll just find where you stashed the beer and drink that, and then watch you other nerds play team sports while we are drunk.  Then eat hot dogs."  It was a good time.  That said, before the party, because we were the coolest, we made t-shirts.  And for reasons I forget, we put "The Truth" on the back, but because we MAY have been partaking of some (tons) of... um... you know (pffft) , the shirts came out totally awful, though in the moment we thought they were GORGEOUS.  And delicious-looking.  We wore them anyway and everyone asked "Why do your shirts say The Tooth?" 

We were idiots.

So Bink has not been sleeping for 58940 years and it was revealed today that she is getting her last front tooth.  The Tooth.  So that's why she's been miserable and hating us (me, it always comes back to me) and I am so tired that tears are just running down my face while I do my work and walk around my office.  It can't be helped, it's a symptom of exhaustion for me and I can't do anything about it.  But now we know.

The Tooth.

Obviously I still have the shirt.  It really is awesome.

Search Term Thursday

We're improving kids... here's what we've got for today:
  • Labyrinth movie worm
  • can you use instagram if you don't have an iPhone
  • chili cheese fries seattle
  • christopher plummer red nose

Someday I'll get the dirty ones...


Search Term Thursday (Early because I FINALLY got a good one!)

It's like Christmas, I just couldn't wait!!  (Sorry, T, but you know how I am obsessed with this game)

Someone typed in this, and got here:

lime tongue "growing pains"

Today's a good day, my friends...

@#$% Lucky, I'm PISSED

Okay, maybe I'm overreacting.  A little.

Husband and I were getting ready this morning when he informs me that a friend of his from law school had a baby last week.  I love this friend, he's awesome, when they were in school we hung out sometimes and he's really cool.  He got married two summers ago (when I was pregnant with Bink and we had 5 weddings that summer and my dress had puke on it) and I have not seen him since, and I met his wife at their wedding and she seems perfectly nice.

Which is really too bad, because now I hate her.

They named their baby the same name as Bink.  Now, I don't care that we have not seen them in two years, and it's very likely we'll see them once more in our lives, maybe, but I am FURIOUS.  Note that I know it's totally stupid and I don't know why I am so furious, but I am.  Note that I didn't actually choose Bink's name, Husband did, and I would have named her something else, but I DON'T CARE.  Note that Bink's name isn't all that uncommon, but again I DON'T CARE.  I'm livid.

Good thing my kid is cuter.  No, I have not seen this new baby, but again, I DON'T CARE. 

Gratuitous "nobody is cuter than my baby" photo.


Lucky, lucky, lucky...

Sometimes I forget, but I'm lucky.  I'm really lucky.

I'm feeling overly emotional and super anxious because Bink has not slept in a very long time (again!  This chick is all or nothing, poor bunny) and it definitely messes with my head.  But I've been feeling a little bit sorry for myself, which I realize is a mistake, because there really isn't anything important that I don't have...

I have a baby that is smart, funny, and adorable.  Who cares if she doesn't sleep?  She's healthy.  That's the focus.  It's so easy for me (and probably lots of people) to just focus on the little stuff, the stuff that's annoying, that sucks, but it really is a waste of time. 

I have an awesome husband who makes me laugh and is my best friend.  I know I don't appreciate him sometimes because I get bogged down in my own crap, but he is awesome and I am lucky to have him.

My family is unbelievable.  I could not have the life I have without them. 

My friends are turkeys, for the most part, but amazing. They support me and make me laugh and love me and I love them. 

So yeah, I'm just overtired but it's true and I totally take things for granted. I'm so, so lucky.  Most of us are.  We're healthy, we have food, we have a roof over our head, and we have love in our lives.  It's everything.  It's beyond everything.

Also, my dad just got an inspection sticker for my car and filled my gas tank!

The universe is conspiring to make things happen :)


Favorite Songs Comma Awesomely Bad Category

Are you reading this like Kenneth Parcell from 30 Rock?  If yes, expect your best friend necklace in the mail shortly.

Anyway, it's kind of a gray and ucky day and I'm hitting that 3 o'clock slump so it got me to thinking about to pump myself up, and of course I must consult my iPod, as I remember nothing of my own accord, and made a quick playlist of my top five Awesomely Bad songs:

Just A Friend, Biz Markie.  This was the song we walked into at my wedding.  I wanted it to be the song we DANCED to, but I was vetoed.  I LOVE Biz Markie, I think he is hilarious.

Baby, Justin Bieber.  Whatever, it's awesome. 
Sussudio, Phil Collins.  It is so cheesy and amazing and you have to jump up and down and sing it when it comes on, no matter where you are.

Joey, Concrete Blonde.  Fine, I have a good friend by this name, and we sang it about her, which was dumb but we thought it was funny because she is drama.  She also thinks the song "Caramel" by City High is about her.  She is white.  And way older than anyone in City High.  Also, City High.  Awesomely bad.  Or maybe just bad?

Buffalo Stance, Neneh Cherry.  I told you my friends and I did this song at the karaoke bar, Dublin's, in Los Angeles RIGHT before it closed (it's famous, it appears in the Jay-Z song "Give it to Me"), and it was the best thing ever.  It's hard being this cool.  Oh, wait...

What are some of your awesomely bad songs?

Can you use Instagram if you have no items with apps?

Probably not, huh?  Like, I don't have an iPhone or the like, or a camera phone, or an i-anything outside of my little Nano, but I feel like Instagram is the best thing in the world and because I don't have it it is kickball all over again in fourth-grade gym and I'm not the laaaaast picked, but I'm definitely in the bottom three.  It's because I had asthma, guys.  It couldn't be helped.

Anyway, I want in on the Instagram.  It makes pictures look so nice, and since I take the world's WORST pictures, I feel like this would catapult me to stardom.  This has to be the case, correct?  Don't bother telling me differently, I won't believe you.  The ONLY thing holding me back from fame and fortune as a photographer is lack of Instagram.  I know it to be so.

Sans Instagram.  For shame.

Spa Day

That's it.  I've decided I need to have one of these.  ASAP.  I found a spa near my house that looks cute and not too expensive and I think I'm going to just go for it and be luxe and am-ah-zing.  Maybe a facial will get rid of the vomit smell?

Poor Binkies!

On Saturday, in happier times...

Full-on Momming

I feel that I have joined the ranks.  Officially.

Okay, yes, Bink is a good girl and though we have had our experience with illness (thank God nothing serious: pinkeye, ear infections, a kidney infection, mostly run-of-the-mill stuff that kids go through and she's totally healthy and fine) but randomly, she hadn't had a cold until a couple of weeks ago, and she's never had any puke issues.  She's a pooper.  What?!

Well.  Well.

So yesterday, Husband was at the Big Football Game (he is SO lucky!) and Bink and I were relaxing at home, not going out in the snow because I felt a day cuddling on the couch (or rather, my chasing her around the room trying to get her to cuddle with me while she gives me death stares and crawls away from me as FAST as she can) was important.  We had some pizza for lunch, and she LOVED it.  We all know Bink has a bit of Olsen-twin in her (LUCKY!) so this was very exciting for me.  A couple of hours later, I was having a snack, so I thought Bink would like one, too.  I pulled out some banana cookies that I had gotten at the store on Friday and a little milk.  We put on some Happy Endings, Season 1 (WHAT!??!) and we were having a lovely time.  It really was lovely: she had consented to sit with me, my pretty Cranberry Bellini candle was burning, the show is obviously awesome.com, we were snuggling in our fleecy jams - heaven.


The throat clearing.

Well, until what I THOUGHT was throat clearing.

You can probably guess that it was not.  You can probably guess that she was gagging.

And you can probably guess what happened next. 

Yes, my little Binks projectile vomited pizza, milk and banana cookie.  All.  Over.  My.  Face.


Censored for your safety.
 I literally didn't know what to do.  Poor Binks is covered, I am covered.  And then... I have to clear my throat.

I make it to the bathroom in time, but this really doesn't help our situation.  Bink goes straight into the bath, poor bunny, and when she's clean I pop her in her crib and stand under the scalding-est-hottest water there ever was.  Then we spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch, sipping at water and avoiding eye contact.

I feel like that was a true Mom Moment, you know?  Like, just the most horrible, disgusting thing that could EVER happen (also I am allergic to bananas, aside) and I just took care of her even though I wanted to run away.  You know what I mean.  OMG, Moms.

We really are amazing.


Who's Down With OPP?

Oh, yeah, not me.

Okay, so last night Husband and I were watching our game shows and fighting over who was smarter (Husband went to an "Ivy" and is therefore very snotty and thinks he is better than me when really, I am the cool one) as per usual, and somehow he started singing "OPP" (Naughty by Nature?  I totally forget and there is no way to find out this information on my own) and I said "What did that even mean?"

Record scratch.  Even Bink was like "Cracka, please."

Bewilderedly, Husband told me what it meant and I was HORRIFIED.  I'm sorry, I don't care, that is inappropriate.  So now Husband STILL thinks he has the upper hand, which is of course not true for many obvious reasons, and Bink no longer consults with me on any sort of current events (read: the contents of Us Weekly).  I'm sad, I'm betrayed, but more importantly, I'm shocked.

That really is gross.  I sang that song on the schoolbus!

Ha, and yes, apparently now I think I'm the Queen of England.


It's All Right, 'Cause it's Saved by the Bell Thursday!

Da da da da daaaa... (that is the tail end of the song when the show begins.  You got that, right?)

Anyway, the amazingly awesome athlete is... Kristie Barnes!

Wait, who is Kristie Barnes?  She's the female wrestler?  But girls can't be wrestlers, silly!

But they can, my friends.  At Bayside High, where anything is possible, they can.

So what do we remember about Kristie?  Okay, here goes...

Kristie is new at school and tries out for the wrestling team.  The coach, who randomly has a Bronx accent (don't be fooled by the rocks that he got!), can't IMAGINE that a GIRL would want to play a man's game.  Wait, you don't play wrestling.  What's the right word?  Anyway, Kristie is all kinds of dreamy in her super-tight leotards and camel-toe a-blazin', and everyone is immediately up in arms about this whole situation in one way or another - the wrestlers don't think she should hit the mats, while everyone else (led by curly cutie Jessica Myrtle Spano) thinks it's Crazytown to be so sexist!  She is prepped to protest when she walks in on Slater and Kristie rehearsing (that CAN'T be right) and Kristie says "Hold me tighter!" and Jessie gets PIIIIIIIIISSED and assumes her afroed animal now only has eyes for Kristie.

This was during the heyday of Bayside's very own radio station (I wish I remembered the name and call letters, but I don't.  I think I replaced that knowledge with memorizing the phone number to Papa Gino's), where the gang dominated the airwaves with hot gossip, cool protests (thanks, Jessie) and sports talk. 
Anyway, Jessie broadcasts on the radio that girls can't do anything and shouldn't have the right to vote and because Jessie is the crazy one who protests nuclear war via posters in her bedroom, it is immediately revealed that K-Town and Albert Clifford were only "practicing moves" (i.e. third base only), all goes back to normal and after one match, our little wrestlette is never seen again.

Kristie also obviously goes on a date with Zack and wears a dress so we get our obligatory cat call of the episode, but I forget everything else.

To the Interwebs! (For now - sopa, huh?)

Christy Barnes was a female wrestler who joined the team despite much protest from Coach Sonski. She and Zack dated, and Zack was embarrassed when Christy beat up a valley punk who was trying to fight with Zack. Although Christie and Slater’s relationship was purely wrestling-related, Jessie ended up getting jealous as the two spent time together in the gym in close physical contact. When Jessie insulted Christy but realized she was wrong about who the female wrestler liked, she joined forces with Zack to convince Christy to rejoin the team, and Zack resumed dating her. Christy did not appear in any future episodes. She was portrayed by Krystee Clark.[2]

1. I like my spelling of Kristie better.
2. Krystee Clark?  Challenge.  That is NOT a real name.
3. OMG please be advised this exists on IMDB:
Born in the tiny town of Palatka, this only child was raised in the Florida sunshine. It all began when her parents met at the Azalea Festival. Her mom was a contestant in the beauty pageant and her dad was a judge. Guess who won. Krystee spent most of her childhood in St. Petersburg where she cherished the most beautiful beaches in the world.

Her talents were nurtured from the start. She tried her hand at everything from dancing and singing to playing piano and the flute, from ice-skating and horse back riding, to juggling and twirling the baton. This three time state champion twirler had Olympic dreams! Unfortunately, baton twirling never made it as an Olympic event. What a shame.

Being precocious and independent, Krystee graduated from high school and moved to Los Angeles at 16. Over the years, she has made memorable appearances on some of television's most popular shows including 7th Heaven, Roseanne, and Boy Meets World. Remembered for her kick-ass role on Saved By The Bell, this lovely lady wrestler helped Bayside win the championships! It has become one of the most talked about episodes in the show's history.

Krystee played Trish Putterman, the battery operated robotic teenager in a series of Duracell Battery commercials. As a Putterman, she sported state-of-the-art latex prosthetics and a head-to-toe plastic wardrobe taking up to 4 hours a day to apply. The kitschy campaign was directed by Barry Sonnenfeld and became a phenomenon in the 90s including T-shirts, phone cards, even Halloween costumes.

Krystee seems to have endless amounts of creativity except when it comes to naming pets. Her Papillon dog is named "Papillon". She hates talking on the phone but is a voracious reader. She spends her afternoons at museums and people watching and swears they feed the same need. She is definitely a night person, but is often spotted watching the sunrise after a night of dancing.

She is a self-proclaimed "Pop Culture Junkie". She sees at least two movies a week at a theater, is proud to be a Disneyland annual pass holder, and could never have an ipod big enough to hold her ever-growing library of music. She is addicted to Rockstars (the energy drinks and the men). She has seen hundreds of concerts and makes an annual pilgrimage to the Coachella Music and Arts Festival.

Krystee spends her spare time as a "Seeing Eye Dog" for her aunt who lost her eyesight to diabetes. She volunteers at an elementary school and actively recycles. Add her warm and charismatic personality and you would think she was "practicing for sainthood".

Krystee is currently working on a sketch comedy show called Static. It seems like the perfect gig to show off her versatility and innate comedic talent. After all, she does love laughing at herself!

This is literally the worst thing I have ever seen.  I am in HEAVEN.  Oh, Krystee!  You are so funny!  It was definitely written by the creep who sits outside her house and sends her meatloaf in the mail.  Oh, those crazy stalkers!  So full of whimsy and delight!



The next person who searches "cute sloth" and gets here will be punched in the nose.  By me.  STOP IT.


WHY is nobody watching this with me?!!?

On Saturday, the mailman (NOT the dreamboat UPS man, who came yesterday with a delightful little surprise I had forgotten ALL about - see below, $46!) brought Bink and I a lovely surprise. 
Obviously I will style it like this, too. Or wear it over sweatpants. No! Resolution: look cute! I will look EXACTLY like her.
SHE got a set of Diaper David books (do you have these?  SO cute.  My bestie's son is named David and when he was little he was convinced these books were about him because he looked JUST like David from the books) and I got...
Oh, David!: A Pocket Library
Beyond cute. And his "No, David!" books are even better.
Season One of Happy Endings.
It was cheaper on Amazon last week. Probably because it's so COOL now.

Have you watched it?  If not, try it.  It's on ABC and you can watch it OnDemand because I don't know what actual night it is broadcast.  They refer to the following:

1. Party subs.  Have we discussed my intense love for party subs?  Please see below at my 30th birthday.

Party Sub and I, posing formally.
2. The girls wear cute accessories.
3. They have the "Friends" lifestyle that we all aspire to but none of us have.  Specifically, I would like four other friends that are two guys and two girls and we hang out at each other's places all the time and drink wine and eat cheese and be hilarious.  If you DO have this, I hate you officially.  Cougartown also does this, and of that I am equally jealous.  Because honestly being jealous of fake things is totally normal.

Fine, I will be you. Then.
Or now. I don't care.
4. Did I mention Party Sub?
Get a room!
So yeah, the odds are that I will watch the first season of Happy Ending for the ninth time in a row, straight through, tonight while I am trying to recoup from my bird flu.  Or minor cold.  Same diff.

And watch Happy Endings.  You won't be sorry.  Unless you don't like it.  Then I take no responsibility.

Long Weekend Ho!

Ha, don't say "ho".

Okay, what has been going on?  Saturday I spent recouperating from my oozy toe and Sunday and Monday had some mild SARS, so it was lowkey for me.  But nice.  Bink is talking up a STORM and it is hilarious - I think I told you that she calls everything "gooo-jis" and she makes all of the animal sounds, but my favorite is how when I say "I love you!!" Bink says "I knooooooow."
I finally know what Zack went through when he hurt his knee...
We are going through our teenage angsty years very, VERY early.

Tonight I am excited to go home and heat up the kick-a$$ macaroni and cheese I made and drink lots of nice red wine.  I hear it is the antidote to SARS, so really, it's the only smart option. 

I love wine.  Yum, yum, yum.

Aside: Husband will always have the upper hand with us (ha, not really, but a little) because when I was crazy pregnant with Bink, I tried to have a sip of wine because I was so desperately ill and feeling so sorry for myself that my mom said "Who's the booze girl!?" and I raised my hand and said "Me!" (and then threw it up - the wine, obvi) and I think my mom applauded, and Husband was so embarrassed for me because I legit thought it was the coolest ever.  Whatevs.  It was.

Further aside: DO NOT GOOGLE BOOZE GIRL.  Not pretty.


It's Search Term Thursday!

First, let's face it - people are weirdos.  Second, the lovely TB of Year 31 has come up with an awesome idea to share in the anonymous weirdness that brings people to her blog.  So obviously we all have to copy it, right?  Because it is awesome.  Without further ado, feast your eyes on the doozies you geekburgers with cheese came up with to hit this site:
  • cute sloth
  • cary grant teeth
  • sad actor
  • zack attack
  • "jodi peterson" actress
  • cut kitten pics
  • dj tanner funny
  • growing pains ben seaver girlfriend blonde
In two words, this sucks.  Come on!  These are neither funny nor THAT random.  I long for the day that someone searched "chillie cheez frie" (it was over the holidays, of course) and found me.  For shame...

So my first STT is a bust.  Better that than an STD.

West Elm

How come nobody ever told me about this?  It's amazing.  I want it all.  As soon as I get a house, I'm buying it out...

OMG for reals? LOVE.
I want chevron and understated grays and navies with pops of cheerful yellows and calming aquas.  If you want to break up, I'm okay with that.  It's obnoxious.  I'm making my wishlist today.

Cold Weather

I am going to reveal something to you now.

So you know how I have mentioned before that I was a hack?  I was a hack for a paper that has now gone strictly online, and is now a hit with highschoolers, I believe, but way back when, we were a fun, wacky group of kids just trying to make our way in the world (http://thephoenix.com/boston/news/36883-stool-also-rises/), but now it's all different and whatever who cares I just wanted to give you a little background. 


(We used to go to the strip club on Fridays at lunch and called it Filthy Fridays.)

Okay.  For reals.

So when I met Husband, I was still writing and living in a fifth-floor WALKUP (OMG thighs) in a cool little neighborhood with cool and fabulous roommates and we would all sit around on this little red couch we had and be hilarious and trendy (fine, my fabulous roommates, NOT me, I was only hilarious) and one night we were discussing how, when the weather turns cold, we try to find guys to make out with for a few months because it's easier to do that than actually go out and find someone new (read: shave legs and put on actual pants instead of sweats) and we called them "Winter Warmers".  We were of course discussing this while Husband (then-just-guy-I-am-obsessed-with-and-had-not-yet-fooled-into-being-my-boyfriend) was there hanging out with us and because we thought it was funny, I wrote about it that week.

Unfortunately, that week was also just about the time we had started really hanging out and Husband was telling anyone who would listen that he was dating the hot chick from Barstool (fine, this did not happen, but it did come up) and the first article any of his friends read that I wrote was of course about these "winter warmers" and everyone was SO mean to him about it and never stopped making fun of him.  And at my wedding, my darling brother-in-law TOTALLY MENTIONED THIS in his toast and all of my old aunties were like "Honey, what paper do you write for?" "New York Times, Aunt Emily" and I ran away.  So it's been a joke between us and, well, everyone Husband ever met in his whole life about this, and I still laugh and pat myself on the back for it.

Note: HAHAHAHA!  So I tried to cut and paste the link for you, but this is what happened instead:
Content blocked by your organization
This Websense category is filtered: Tasteless.

Tasteless!  Amazing.  Anyway, I feel like now that I am married and Binkified, I don't care about finding guys to bone, I care about how much I can eat in one day. 

What?!  Because it's cold and I don't feel like going out and doing anything else.  Right?  Like, I just want to lament that I don't have the super-cute gray beanie hat with sparkles on it that the girl I take the train with who also has a LV tote (I am a bag whore, it cannot be helped or changed) OR her slim calves (it is a known fact that I have solid legs, again, cannot be helped or changed because I am lazy) and straight blonde hair while eating an entire bag of Cape Cod green onion chips with a trough of onion dip and an extra-large order of cheese fries (cheese goo, not real cheese, thanks) and then, because I can't ever not have dinner, my father-in-law's famous mac and cheese (Velveeta, mayo, cream of mushroom soup, a pepper and an onion) and then be sad that I have big thighs.

Yes.  That actually was the longest sentence ever written.

Anyway, so I am in the very interesting dilemma wherein I am totally obsessed with being cute and skinny but in reality, all I care about are transfats.  Oh, and justifying why I am required to eat said transfats ("my toe hurts") is also high on my list.

Oh, and every blog I read is about the same thing, so I know I'm not the only one suffering.

But I am probably the only one who has a missing piece of toe.  More about that later.


I am an actual person, I swear!

I'm real!  (the way you walk, the way you look, the way you talk...)

Wait, no Ja Rule fans here?  I know you're all lying.

It has come to my attention that I only post pictures of my kid.  It's very true, but that is because I am the only one who ever brings a camera anywhere and therefore I end up taking all of the pictures.  Like, for EVERYTHING I do.  But this is me.  Yup, with my kid.  I can't get away from her!

I'm the one on the left.


Climb Every Mountain... Swim Every Sea...

To distract myself from my throbbing toe, I will tell you about what I did this weekend. 

I climbed a mountain.

For realsies.

Also, ten points to anyone who knows the song I am singing in the title. 

Fine.  It was an un-snowed-on bunny slope at a... well, what do you call something that you can hike, but it's not a mountain, it's a big hill (or a little mountain)?  That's where we were.  It was gorgeous and like 50 degrees on Saturday so we took Bink out for some fresh air and exercise (well, she was in her stroller, but you know what I mean).  The actual trails you can hike were way too rocky for the jog stroller so I said "Oh, well, guess we can't hike" and Husband of course turned into mountainman/Tony Robbins and was like "Never say can't!  We must find a way!!"  So we did.  Sort of.

This looks like an excellent, slick patch of grass to hike up.  Extra safe!

Dad, we can go home and watch Peppa Pig, it's totally fine.

Gimme that camera.  I wanna look at myself. 

View from the top

I mean it.  The hotness.  Right here.  I wanna see it.
It was actually fun, but SUPER steep and slippery and I almost died nine times.  Or none, but I almost fell down, which is just as bad!!

Also, do your kids do this?  Bink cannot keep her hands off the camera.  She's always trying to grab it when I take her picture.  Look, I am NOT joking.  These are all different times/days:
Yes, that is a purse she is wearing around her neck.  It is her best friend in the world.  She's so vain.  She probably thinks this blog is about her.

Weird Things Happen to Me

Okay, I feel like the past few months, a ton of random things have happened to me that are making me feel strange and out of control.  Ha, control issues much?  Terrible.  Anyway, so this is the latest: on Friday, I knocked a wine glass off the counter and shattered it into a billion pieces (so bummed, it was a beautiful Simon Pearce glass of course).  La, la, la, pick up the glass, whatever, everything is fine.

Until yesterday.  Now, on Friday I removed some teeny shards from my foot and it was fine.  Well, last night my foot started THROBBING in the same place that I removed the glass from, and I saw there was more.  So I tried to get it out, but it is wedged in there so tightly I can't do a thing to remove it.  I was up all night with a throbbing pain in my foot - it seems like there was a piece stuck there that broke into a bunch of tinier pieces and I'm not going to be able to get them out via tweezer. 
I am KEEPING it this big because that is the size of my babyishness.
Ew.  So I am limping around and in a ton of pain and I'm trying to find that gross drawing salve they sell to get the glass out, but the CVS I just hobbled over to is out of it (is this an epidemic?!).  Luckily CVS is as plentiful as Dunkin Donuts, so I should be find, it's just a total pain.

I know I am being a total baby about this, of course.  But teeny glass is painful!


Love a Man in Uniform

Okay, I will say that I definitely have a thing for men in uniform.  My first real boyfriend was a cop (in London, he wore leathers, I'll tell you that story another time, but just to whet your appetite, it did involve him proposing to me in my 1994 Corolla, me saying no, and then chasing him around my parents' house while he cried and wore leather pants) and I've dated servicemen, and though Husband is an attorney, he looks REALLY good in his lacrosse uniform.  I think it's because organization and matching items turn me on.  Ha, that made me laugh, because it is a teeny bit true. 

Anyway, on Fridays I work from home, and that means a more relaxed pace, Peppa Pig for Bink (have you seen this?  It is seriously the cutest.  British pigs!  Too much.) and if I am a very good girl, packages delivered.  Specifically, packages from the UPS man.

Now, of course everyone loves getting packages in the mail, it's usually something fun that you've been looking forward to, but I am doubly happy when the bell rings because my UPS man is seriously the sexiest man alive.

No.  Joke.

He's probably in his late forties, very handsome, and very charming and friendly.  He always has a story or something funny to say and I seriously end up blushing and flirting like a crazy person like a total idiot.  Like, he was here two hours ago and my face is still warm.

Sigh.  I wish I had a picture.  This is pretty much what he looks like:
Like, pretty much the same...


What I Wore

I love this blog.  I love this girl.  She is awesome and she dresses like a normal person who happens to have amazing taste and uses what she owns to look cute everyday.  I will say I borrowed her book from the library and read it everyday.  It is sad.  But it's so good!

I posted it on the right, but in case: http://www.whatiwore.tumblr.com/

I also like how she says "violet" instead of purple.  It's fancy.
Oh, Violet (Bickerstaff)...
Trust me.

God School Redux

I didn't hate it.  I sort of loved it.  Don't judge.

But you CAN make fun of me for forcing my mother to dig out my rosary beads and prayer book from my First Communion so I can keep them with me always.  THAT you can totally make fun of.  Oh, and when my friend (hi, S) told me I looked different today, I told her that it was because the light of God was now within me and she vomited, you can make fun of that, too.

But it IS!  I'm being fresh, but really, it made me feel good to go so I may keep going. 

It's All Right, 'Cause it's Saved by the Bell Thursday!

On Thursday!  Awww yeah!!

Because this week has been so busy, I'd like to spend a little time focusing on the more awesome aspects of the most awesome show ever made.  So yes, friends, today's cameo cutie is....


Please tell me you know who this is.  If you don't, I actually won't be TOO mad because I am surprised I remembered him myself.  This one is TOTALLY random. 
Hubba hubba.
Okay, do you remember the Zack Attack/Friends Forever episode?  Brian Fate is the jogger/record producer who HAPPENS to be zipping by in his gorgeous shiny tracksuit and hears the band rocking their major hit "Friends Forever" (I think - OMG, I can't actually remember!) and catapults them to fame and fortune.  The episode takes on the familiar "Behind the Music" format, where they rise to amazing heights, only to crash and burn and become nuns on the hit soap, Santa Barbara (that was Kelly).   Slater becomes a racecar driver (whose non-life-threatening injuries ultimately bring the band back together), Screech becomes some sort of maharishi with a cheerleader girlfriend, I forget what Lisa does, and they all convene at the hospital and become a band again.  Blah, blah, it's boring.  Anyway...

THIS exists, so yay.
I will never stop laughing.

But who IS Brian Fate? Like, in real life?  Is he at the Max?  Is he out promoting his new breakout star, Britney Spears?  Swoon.  The answer is: he is even MORE random!

Nick Brooks is the actor that played Brian Fate.  And he was in the most RANDOM things of all time.  Take a peek:

Every Dog's Day
Agent 1
2004 16w (short)
2002 Shirts & Skins (short)
1998 Saving Private Ryan
Paratrooper Joe
1996 In Love and War
Louis Burton
1991 Saved by the Bell (TV series)
Brian Fate
Rockumentary (1991) … Brian Fate
1991 Quantum Leap (TV series)
Shock Theater - October 3, 1954 (1991) … Orderly
1991 thirtysomething (TV series) ...
Prop Guy
Out the Door (1991) … Prop Guy
2011 The Austin Pendleton Project (documentary) (filming)
He is CURRENTLY playing himself in something!?  I don't get this at all.  Oh, and this is NOT the Nick Brooks who is accused of trying to kill people and has a famous pedophile father (DON'T Google it!), it's a different guy.  But I do know this.  This is a really weird picture of Lisa Turtle:
Contouring is my life, dahhhling.
Happy Thursday!


God School

Wait, am I going to get in even MORE trouble today for this?

I am 100% positive people are plotting my demise on the West Coast, so I will just put it all out there.

So I am Catholic.  Husband is Catholic.  We are not overtly religious, like, don't go to church, but I like to think there is a higher power out there, and I love organized things, so organized religion, wahoo.  You know what I mean.

There is no way the bonnet that comes with Bink's gown will fit her.
So Bink is getting baptized this weekend.  I know, I waited until she was ready for the Prom before I signed her up for this because I did NOT WANT TO GO TO CLASS.  I'm not her godmother, why should I have to go to a class to learn about - actually, I have no idea what we are going to learn about, but tonight we have to go to a baptism class and I am terrified.  We didn't get married in a church so we didn't do Precana, but it sounded pretty intense.  Bink is getting baptized at the church I grew up in, that I have not been to since my Confirmation, I don't think, and again, this terrifies me.  I am scared it's going to be like CCD where we had to talk in front of people and share stories about faith (fine, we did not do this in CCD, but it could happen tonight!!) and the teacher will yell at me for talking to my neighbor and I'll go straight to hell.

This is what happens at baptism class, correct? 
Fine, I only sort of remember this episode, so I can't think of anything funny.
I will keep you posted. 

Also, I ordered a deli sandwich platter for the afters.  And a cake.  But I'm REALLY excited for the sandwiches.

This is more my speed.

And the Resolution is BROKEN.

I made a mistake at work.  It is fixed now, but I am SO upset and disappointed in myself.  It is very hard to not beat yourself up over things like this, no?  It sucks.  How depressing is this post?  Not even kittens could save it now...
For reals, yo.
Stupid kittens.  And me.


You know how the best thing ever is checking out how people end up at your site, and no joke, I'm overrun with people searching for "kitten".  Hm.  I don't have anything against kittens, but it's still pretty weird ESPECIALLY because nobody ever finds me via searching for Saved by the Bell.  Also, my brother got me a "Saved by the Bell Guide to Life" booklet that I am going to take a billion pictures of to show you because it is extremely hilarious and also full of typos.

Back to the gym today as well.  BoRING. 



The following pictures are of actual gifts I received.  I do not have a problem, except maybe I'm too cool for school?
From Bink (an Arch card.  For those who do not know, it is a McDonald's gift card.  And I actually got three.)
From Mom.

From my In-laws.

I also got a blow-up midget doll, but I left that up at my in-laws' house.  It was NOT from them, but I didn't want it!

All right, all riiiiiiiight...

And we are back.

How was everyone's holiday?  Mine was awesome.  Our place sort of turned into the dorms, and I am actually craving veggies.  Say whaaaa?  I know, gross.  But I am glad to be back.  Even though I don't usually resolve on January 1 to improve myself, I have a few plans for the year that I am looking forward to, definitely.  I am going to be more focused, for one, which I think will be good.  Yes, I know this is an immesurable and therefore probably a dumb resolution, but I've got to at least TRY.

Also, in 2012 I will write a book and buy a house and at the end of the year maybe get pregnant.  There is no way I will not look at this on 1/3/13 and be like "Oh, um, yeah, forgot about those" while I drink whiskey from a mason jar (because I won't be pregnant, get it?), sitting in my little rented box, holding an empty notebook.  Well, I guess nobody writes a book in a notebook, but you get what I mean. 

One of these.

Do this.
And another one of these?  I must be crazy.
But, no wait.  I AM going to do all of these things.  It's put out in the universe and the Alchemist said (I know some of you hated it, but some of you also don't even know what it's like to feel an attachment to anything, so...) that when you put what you want out into the universe, it conspires to make it happen.  Right?  Something like that.  So there we go.  Who else is resolving?