Okay, guys don't read this...

There is NO way any guy reads this anyway, but I wanted to give fair warning before I start on this subject.  A little background...

So like I said, my best friend is getting married this weekend and I realize that my mom-wardrobe just isn't cutting it, so I went out to the shops for a few things (here is where I pretend I am Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors, apparently).  And what I found, friends... is life-changing.


Yes, I realize that SPANX have been around since the Pilgrims, but apparently I thought I was so Olsen-twinnish that I didn't need it.  Um, no.  Well, today all of that changes.  I AM Olsen-twinnish when I put on my shiny new shapewear and I never, ever want to take it off.  EVER.

How rude! Tss...
Can you imagine?!  No more gym!  Everything falling off in a waif-like manner!  Life would be so perfect!  Oh, wait, is that if you truly were waiflike and not just stuffing yourself into nude-colored spandex - tres sexy!  Whatever.  Shapewear.  Is.  Awesome.

But don't TELL anyone you're wearing it.  It defeats the purpose.  On that note, I am going to RETURN all of my shapewear and if anyone notices my gorgeousness, it's genetics, that's ALL.


Okay, now NONE of us can be in a bad mood...

Papa Gino's is doing 50% off today.  Eff the mac and cheese, we are hitting up the Trattoria.  I know I told you guys about the Trattoria, right?

Hello, lover. No, seriously. We're dating.

Okay, all better!

  • Coke Zero in hand.
  • Rudolph is on tonight.
  • I DVRed one of my all-time favorite Lifetime Christmas movies, A Boyfriend for Christmas, starring Kelli Williams, who I am randomly in love with, and will be watching it tonight while consuming boxed macaroni and cheese.  MAYBE some wine, but only because Bink likes it.

All I can picture her saying is "Do yoooooooooooou want this??"

  • Christmas shopping is done. 
  • Leaving EAAAARLY Friday morning for Los Angeles to share in my best friend's wedding.  When I went to her bachelorette (where I met Weird Al, please see below), I brought them a bag of Dunkin Donuts grody donuts because there are no Dunkin's in LA.  This time, I may bring them another taste of home in the form of clam chowder.  Ew, kidding!  Can you imagine clam chowder on a plane?  SIIIIIIICK.
    • Side note: when I was in college, I lived in London for a semester.  We went to Scotland for a   weekend and they served salmon sandwiches on a teeny plane and everyone smelled like salmon sandwiches for the rest of their lives.  Or until they showered.
  • I forgot my gym clothes today. 
  • Phew.  All better now.  I hate being in a mood.  It's like when Stephanie had to get glasses and she was all bummed about it, and then Urkel came in and made everything all better.  Yes.  EXACTLY like that. 
  • OMG that room. To die.


Another crappy post...

So the flurry of activity from being away from work for a week has finally worn down, and now I am so sad I can't even deal.  I love my job, but I hate being away from Bink all day, everyday.  I know I am missing out on so much - time that I will never get back, and even though right now there isn't much I can do about it (I can't stop working anytime soon - we don't have a house yet so there's no way I can drop everything and be a stay-at-home-mom) it still makes me sad.

How do we do this?  Everyday is so hard.  Meh.

Ech, post-vacation blues...

Okay, I PROMISE this is my last crappy post.  Pinky swear.  Let's lighten the mood a bit...

This never stops being awesome. Oh, Beek...

How was everyone's holiday?

Hello, hello!

And we're baaaack!! (please say this like Jimmy Fallon and Ben Affleck say it in that really stupid SNL skit from 54890 years ago, but sticks in your head anyway even though it is NOT funny.)

How was Thanksgiving?  Mine was fine, with the glaring exception of Little Miss Binks continuing her not-sleeping-streak.  Hooray!  Oh, wait, no, it sucked.  But we managed.  I think she's entering a bit of a clingy phase, where she understands when she isn't at home in her own bed, and gets sad.  Poor Binks!  She also has her first cold, which is decimating me.  I know it is only a cold, and she has had like 58490 illnesses that were way WORSE than colds, but she looks so sad and miserable that it keeps making me cry.

Also, how is everyone's holiday shopping going?  I am pretty much buying everything online now, and it is heaven.  Stores are so full of people who are gross and suck that it is really nice to be able to sit at home and blow through my list without having to actually talk to anyone.  What?!  I was in a store this weekend and it was terrible!  It was so crowded and people are so inconsiderate and it's just easier to skip the whole thing.

What is also extra awesome is Ebates.  Do it, I swear you won't be sorry. Click on my link on the righthand side to enjoy the greatness...

Also, let's talk about awesome deals.  I'm getting tons of them.  What do you need?  What are you getting?  I will try to find you a lower price if you found something you like.  It's sort of my passion.  Which I know is sort of sad.

Okay, I know this post sucked, I'm out of practice!  Promise I'll do better later and we'll be friends again.



I don't get it.  Literally, we went to bed at 2.  Up at her normal time.  Screaming and crabbing and please excuse me while I jump out the window.

Lucky for her she is cute...


An Embarrassing Secret...

Good afternoon, my darlings... no, no, nothing is wrong... just same old me, doing the same old thing.

FINE!  I can't take it anymore!  I must reveal my secret shame.

I have full on Christmas MANIA.

It's sad and it's gross and I don't care.  Last year I was WAY too post-partem-depressey to be able to enjoy the full experience of a holiday with a child, but now I'm back and on more Prozac than ever and I see that have kids around the holidays is AWESOME.  You can buy EVERYTHING.  And it's fine and nobody can tell you to put it away because it is all for the kid.  Amazing.  Here's what Bink and I have done so far:
  • Made a Christmas card.  The background, anyway.  Now the only thing we need to do is take the cutest picture in the world of her in HER ELF HAT and we are golden.
  • Bought an elf hat.
  • Set the DVR to tape 23 Christmas movies on Lifetime, ABC Family and the Hallmark Channel this week.
  • Got a cookie press to make spritz cookies, my dream come true.
  • Bought ornaments and fabric glue to make even MORE ornaments!
  • Got millions of sparkly items to put all over the place so nothing is without cheer.
  • Strongarmed the husband into letting us decorate tonight instead of after Thanksgiving, which is really the appropriate time to start decorating, I know this.
  • Already listened to Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses, which is the greatest holiday song of all time.  ALL TIME!
Now she is napping and I am preparing our next move.  Probably to go to the store to buy milk and FLOUR for my spritz cookies.  OMG I cannot wait. 


It's All Right, 'Cause it's Saved by the Bell Thursday!

YAY!  Best time of the week!  BESIDES wine o'clock, I'm human after all.  Time to hit up the old Bayside yearbook (class of 198-fabulous) and see who we've got today...

Drum roll (by Slater, drummer of Zack Attack) please...

It's Johnny Dakota!

Seriously, he is in my top three FAVORITE random characters on SBTB for many, many reasons:
  • Cool hair
  • Cool jacket
  • Johnny sweat (you remember the sunglasses Lisa bought "complete with Johnny sweat")
  • When putting together the blocking for the commercial he points to the stick figure that is supposed to be Kelly and he smoothly says "But you have more curves." 
  • How he calls Zack "friend" when he is mad and Zack is like "you are NOT my friend, drugface"
  • He has a sexy manager who follows him everywhere.
Okay, so here's what happens in this episode.  Johnny Dakota's hot car (it HAS to be a limo, right?) breaks down and the only place they can find to stop is a not-gas-station-or-mechanic-but-Bayside-High.  Apparently, he is shooting a drug commercial (anti, der) at a different high school (HAS to be Valley, right?) and was on his way there when the car broke down.  Hey, you're already at a high school, why not choose Bayside instead?!  Lisa swoons because she loves him so much, and Jessie acts like the snobby class president we know and love and is like "Why don't I tell you about what else that makes Bayside great?" and then they do some stupid rap song about drugs and it sucks and Johnny's still unconvinced at the coolness of BHS when suddenly Zack brings Kelly out from volleyball practice or something and he falls in love with her INSANE camel toe and cropped jean jacket and agrees that Bayside is the school that's cool and you know that it's true (wait! Different episode.  A TORI episode.  Vom.). 

I tried really hard to find the CT picture, but I cannot Google that so this is what you get.

So they are immediately swept into the Hollywood scene and go to a hot party where Jessie is dressed like she's on her way to interview for Patrick Bateman's secretary and lo and behold, drugs abound!  Johnny doesn't think it's a big deal since it's only pot, but the high school kids do NOT think it's cool.  Except Zack, who sort of does and would totally have stayed if not for Kelly's prudish fears.  The next day (obviously) they are back at school shooting the commercial and they confront him and it is boring and then some random people who also hate drugs sit together in a room and talk about it and then at the end Brandon Tartikoff saves the day by being WAY funnier and cooler than Mr. Belding could ever imagine.

I don't know if they are trying to be funny, but it is. Sweet bomber.
Phew.  There is way more to this episode, but these are definitely the highlights.

Okay, internets, do your worst:
Johnny Dakota was an actor who chose Bayside as the site for filming his anti-drug commercial in a 1991 episode. He was played by Eddie Garcia, who was one of the stars of another NBC comedy series called Guys Next Door and was dating Tiffani-Amber Thiessen at the time (Interestingly, he fell for her character Kelly in the episode). Zack thinks this is a great idea. He sees this as a chance for stylish parties and to get close to Hollywood babes. However the gang soon found that Johnny himself was a pot user. After being shunned by the gang as a result of his dirty habit, Johnny left Bayside without filming his commercial. The gang then filmed an anti-drug PSA with the help of Brandon Tartikoff.

Note: I definitely remember the theme song to The Guys Next Door.  It went "We're the guys!  We're the guys next door, we're the guys next door, whoa-oh!"  You're welcome.  But wait, where is this Eddie Garcia now???

Um, he is a dancer.  It is weird.  He was also on The Tony Danza show in 1997.  Did you know there was a Tony Danza Show, ever?  Oh, and he was in Lambada.  The Forbidden Dance!!!

OMG and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo!  He should have retired from the business then and there!!

Here we go again...

Latest traffic sources to "Sleep is So 2009"*
  • worst duck face         
  • screech,s robot from saved by the bell
  • gossip girl towel on her head         
  • big picture of dj tanner
  • duck face cleavage cartoon picture 
  • geekburger 
  • locker room naked
If you were the one who entered these to get here, again, I implore you to reveal yourself, as you are much, much more interesting than I am.

I think my favorite HAS to be "geekburger".  Note: you are ALL geekburgers with cheese.

*The funny ones.  There were boring ones, but who cares about those?


Holiday cheer

So the holidays are coming.  That means you can spend more time with friends, family and other assorted loved ones, getting to know one another all over again, for the first time.  A good way to do this would be spending time reconnecting in front of a fire, drinking mulled cider and enjoying Thanksgiving leftovers.

Or, you could play this.

Yes, it is real.

It's called Un-Uh!  No, He Di'int! and it is the greatest game of all time.  I think that it cost $12 approximately three years ago, so if you are feeling the economic pinch, you could definitely recreate this for $2.50.   

Want to play?  Awesome, let's do it.

This is the box that the game comes in.  Everyone who has played it with me thus far has asked if this is me on the cover.  It is not.

The back of the box.  You can see here that it is a game of secrets and laughter.  They are NOT falsely advertising.  But they are down at the bottom, when they say you should not play it with alcohol.  Much like the 90210 Survey Game I got when I was 13 and still play regularly, you need to play with booze or it is really boring and stupid.
 Rules!  A good game always has rules and UU!NHD-I! is no exception.  Please note that they say on the box not to play with alcohol, but they are hip to our little game and know that not nobody ain't playing with the booze.
More rules.  The glare is kind of bad, but you will see that all of these games neither inspire secrets nor laughter.  MORE false advertising.
 The board.  It looks like you could play multiple games in one evening, as the board is so small.  Do not be fooled.  It takes forever and you will barely be able to finish one game in one night.
 The spinner.  As you can see, you don't get much here.
A close-up of the board.  You probably can't see it, but that yellow square says: "My man's a pig!" "Girl, let me tell you!" and "He never takes me out!"  Be prepared to shout these catchphrases multiple times during the game and in your personal day-to-day life.  You will also probably get these phrases wrong in real life and say different things (i.e. "Go on girl, tell me about it!") and be very shocked and angry when you read the actual catchphrase.
You're welcome.

So if you are thinking of things to do during the coming holiday season, you can play this and think of me.  Or play the 90201 Survey Game (I don't know if they make that anymore) and think of this.  I just want to be in there somewhere.

How Dunkin Donuts Crushed My Spirit Before 8:45 AM, A Love Story...

Fine, it's not.

Okay, who else hates when this happens?  Your train gets in early and you think "Ooh, I love iced tea from Dunkin Donuts, I think I will go to the Dunkin in the train station because I'm right here, and get a delicious iced tea and be on my merry way!!"
How it SHOULD have been.

And then you go to the Dunkin Donuts in the train station, and the people waiting in line are more hideous than those at the DMV (what is it about the DMV?  You walk in Kate Middleton and as soon as you pass through the door you become Carrot Top) AND meaner.  You order your iced tea, and the girl making your iced tea cannot figure it out and says "Who orders iced tea?!" in a crazy voice and the other people waiting in line for their breakfast sandwiches give you meanface until you move behind them because they were there first even though as soon as you shamefacedly make your way to the back, crazy lady starts screaming "iced tea!" and you have to go back to the front, try to look haughty, but then you remember you probably also look like Carrot Top or a reasonably ugly facsimile and have to run away.

How it was.
So that's how my day is going.


Turkey Whores

Next week is Thanksgiving.  Who doesn't love Thanksgiving?  Do NOT raise your hand or else we're broken up.  And none of that "but I'm a vegetarian!"crap.  You can eat stuffing without meats.  I often do.  I'm actually doing it right now.

Meat-free. And delicious.
Doing it. 

Definitely still own this.
Anyway, so normally we go to my uncle's house, wherein my husband and I drink all of my family's wine and don't offer to help clean, and then force my little cousins (who are in their twenties, whatever, they will always be babies to me!) to find their old Sweet Valley High and Baby-Sitters Club books and we read them aloud.  Then we go to my husband's family's house and eat more turkey and it is awesome, but there is a lot of driving involved, since we are in one place and my husband's family is a bit north of us.

But not this year.

This year we are going to be doing the coolest thing ever.  Thursday will be spent at my uncle's house, but then Friday morning we are going up to my husband's family lake house and we are doing Thanksgiving there.  Picture a cross between "On Golden Pond" (in terms of beauty, etc.) and "Animal House" (in terms of our behavior).  It is going to be SO much fun.  So I am obsessing over this and this morning I presented Husband with a really good idea.

Me: "We should definitely buy extra stuffing to make after dinner.  It always goes first, because it is the best, and then we can enjoy it as leftovers and everyone will think I am brilliant?"
Husband: "Yeah, good idea."
Me: "Um, it is a REALLY good idea.  Why aren't you more excited about it?  We can have stuffing at like ten at night!"
Husband: "Yup, stuffing is good."

And that was that.  Here's why it makes me furious: what will happen, because this is what ALWAYS happens, is that I will bring up stuffing, and nobody will care, and then someone will find it in the kitchen and make it and everyone will enjoy it and then everyone will take full credit for this awesome idea and it will be like I never existed.  Guaranteed.  And now I have legit proof (when I complain about this, I am always asked for evidence that something was my idea, and now I have it.)  that I thought of this first. 

PS: I mostly called this "Turkey Whores" because I wanted to see if anyone searched for something like this.  I condone neither turkey nor whoring.  You know what I mean.


@ The Gym

I go to the gym.  I feel like it is important (Incentive Pants totally fit again, PHEW) because I don't get much exercise outside of it, and I want Bink to feel like activity is a good thing. 

(Side: She HATES McDonalds.  There MUST have been a mix-up in the hospital.  My Mom gets me an Arch Card for every major holiday and it is always my favorite gift.)

Anyway, today I was coming into the locker room and there was a girl standing in front of one of the mirrors.  She was wearing a longsleeved t-shirt and was putting her hair in a ponytail.  She was completely naked from the waist down. 

This is really weird, right?  Like, really weird.  I am very much pro-pant and do not think it is appropriate to do mundane things like put hair in ponytails with no unders on.  I don't care if you think I'm wrong, if this is wrong, I don't wanna be right.  I feel the same way about lovin' you... 

What a Difference a Night Makes...

So Bink has been going through some serious teething lately, which has turned her into a crabfest.  She has also made the amazing transition from formula (expensive, left Mom poor) to milk (wonderfully inexpensive, I throw money in the streets a la Monopoly Man), which has left her with some "digestion" issues. 

Ergo, I have not slept.  Here was me yesterday:
No! Sleep! Since Thursday!!
So my sainted mother took Bink for a sleepover last night, wherein I slept from 6:30 p.m. until 7:00 this morning.  And here I am today:

You're welcome.
 OMG WHY do kids not sleep?!  I sleep!  Husband sleeps!  We love it!  Why does Bink hate it so much?  It's so amazing!  Anyway, I called the doctor, who had some advice for the milk issue, and stocked up on baby advil for the teeth, so hopefully tonight we'll all enjoy the soothing sounds of silence, until my wall calendar falls off of the fridge and crashes to the floor at 4 a.m., as it did last night, but once we figure out that it isn't a robber, all will be right with the world.  Fingers crossed!!

It's All Right, 'Cause it's Saved by the Bell Thursday! (On Monday, what?!)

Okay, my dears, it's time for the all-important weekly rundown of the coolest tertiary characters in the coolest show about high schoolers (if anyone thinks the original Degrassi is better, I will cut you, but then sort of agree.  But only because they had babies in the bathroom, didn't they?) in Southern California at Bayside High.

Today's character is...

Craterface Coburn!!

Ah, Craterface... where do we begin?  Craterface was known in many circles at Bayside High for having the worst skin ever, as well as the worst laugh ever.  Screech accidentally invented the world's greatest zit cream and in order to test its strength, they immediately call on dear old Craterface Coburn to test out the products.  Lo and behold, they work!  Craterface's face is as smooth as a baby's bottom, and nobody even believes it's him, until he laughs that zany horselaugh and everyone is sold!  Until the cream ends up turning everyone's faces maroon and one would think it's curses for Screech and Zack (obviously Zack is handling the "marketing") until they realize that Bayside's colors are gray and maroon, so it's a display of school spirit, not bad skin!

I KNOW this is all correct, but let's just check in with the webs to be sure...

Charlie "Craterface" Coburn
Charlie was nicknamed "Craterface" because his face apparently was covered with acne (but not shown that way in any episodes). He was used by Zack to demonstrate a miracle blemish cream that Screech had accidentally invented in Chemistry class. As he was famous around Bayside for his extraordinary acne, he was a shining endorsement for the cream when it completely cleared up his face; so much so, that the school didn't believe it was really him. So Charlie performed his trademark chuckle as proof it was really him.

ALSO, his episode was called "Cream for a Day", which is obviously a reference to the other plotline of the episode, which was Kelly being voted Homecoming Queen.  I assume you knew that, however.

Okay, so who played Craterface?  What is his deal?  Is he real?  Let's find out...

His name is Scott Fults.  HE WAS 28 YEARS OLD WHEN HE PLAYED CRATERFACE.  He was also on 90210 once in an episode I don't remember and also once on Growing Pains.  Snooze.  Well, his name on Growing Pains was Leo Limetongue, so FINE, that is sort of awesome, but HMPH.  I'm disappointed.  There is enough information out there to make him a total NOT mystery and yet the information available is wicked boring. 

At least this picture exists:
In sum, my fellow Americans, I am entirely unexceptional. I apologize for your boredom and promise next SBTB Thursday will include someone much funnier and more ridiculous.


A Thanksgiving Tradition-al Response...

They are MUCH faster this year than they used to be.  I guess Katy Homes got promoted...

November 10, 2011
Dear Ms. K,

Thank you for sharing your idea with us. We always enjoy hearing from our consumers.
Our company strives to offer quality products and packaging to the greatest number of customers possible. We will report your comments to our marketing personnel.
We appreciate your interest in our products. Please expect to receive coupons via mail in 7-10 business days.
Tara Barnhart

First of all, Tara didn't even address my question!  Nothing Pocket-specific, which is really insulting.  Especially because there has never been a better idea, EVER.  HMPH.  Oh, well, there's always next year, brother...

Disappointing Pockeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet...

Sometimes I Pretend I'm French

And today is one of those days.  I am listening to Francoise Hardy on Pandora, re-reading my favorite stupid book "Entre Nous" for the 1538905868htjeriogjklsjugirth time in a row (or is it rd?) and trying to be a good woman.  Feel free to hate me forever, I sort of do. 

I don't care I love it.
I'm just having a crappy day - it's pouring out, work is kicking my butt, and I spent way too much time thinking about Hot Pockets this morning.  Going to a wine bar tonight, so fance, so I am sure things will improve, but ech.  Glad it's Thursday.  And that I'm faux French today.  Mon cher!

A Thanksgiving Tradition...

Many years ago, my dear brother and I began a Thanksgiving tradition that really captures the essence of our relationship.  Through good times and bad, my baby brother has always been there for me, and the holiday season never truly begins until we embark on our yearly pilgrimage (via email, obviously) to Hot Pocket Land.  Where we request a Thanksgiving pocket.  This is what we've been writing basically since 2001:

Good morning!  I would like to submit a suggestion for your already wonderful assortment of products.  The Thanksgiving pocket!  Holiday season is almost here and I would love to experience turkey, gravy, stuffing and cranberry sauce in a delicious Hot Pocket.  All best!  Love, K

And every year they reply something lame (I randomly cannot cut and paste it, which sucks because it is hilarious) - the EXACT SAME something lame, and it's always from a girl named Katy Homes.  No joke.

Hooooooot pockeeeeeeeeeeeets. PLEASE tell me you've seen this. Hysterical.
So we sent the email in today, and we will see what happens.  Note: I don't really eat Hot Pockets (anymore, I used to eat them all the time and am now dying for a Cheese Pizza pocket) now, but isn't that an AWESOME idea?!  Come on!  You know you'd be into it when you were wasted at 7-11, picking up snacks for your walk home to your mom's house after a night on the town (just me?  Yikes!) and you can also be famous by association.  Because now you know.  The campaign for the Thanksgiving pocket begins... ten years ago!  Hooray!

Also, I have a Hot Pockets t-shirt that I got from submitting UPC codes that says "Hot and cheesy, fast and easy" and it is the greatest thing of all time. 


Snack Packs are Awful.

I don't think I really have anything more to say about that.  Seriously, they are.  Especially room temperature.  At least when they've been in the fridge, they taste like cold (tastes like burning!).

Sorry, you're not the coolest. This is the kind I have right here, maybe the full-fat ones are better?
Oh, I have a bunch of Snack Packs at my desk from my tooth incident and I just ate one because, well, it's like Randy Jackson's autograph, you're not gonna not, you know?  But Billy is wrong.  Snack Packs at room temperature taste like squishy chemicals.

Lovely day

Okay, so it's November, right?  Well, today it feels like spring.  It even smells like spring.  Heaven.  Though this does make total sense, as I just bought the best coat of all time and it arrived in the mail this weekend.  Believe me, I am not complaining (dude, yes I AM!) but it's going to be really weird tonight when Binks and I are dining al fresco in the pitch black.  Again, not that I am complaining.

Also, Greek salad from Panera.  For reals.

And get this.  I was hungover YESTERDAY from SATURDAY.  Can you even?  It is hard being old.  And sad.  The only thing getting me through is that Teen Wolf is playing pretty much nonstop on NBA Network now that there is no basketball.  It's no Teen Witch (because, well, obviously Teen Witch is the best ever and nothing can beat it.  Did I put that on my Bink Movie List?  If not, it needs to be on there, because how can she learn how to be cool otherwise, right?) but it's not bad.  Don't tell me you didn't have a weird crush on the dad.  I DID NOT!

Oh, Boof. Also, Boof.
And finally, a friend of mine is joining the gym with me tomorrow.  She intimated that she feared I'd be one of "those" girls who walks around with no pants on like it's no big deal and I am totally offended.  Why do those girls walk around naked at the gym?  Like, extra naked.  It's fine if you are changing, but come on.  Get a life.  And pants.


OMG OMG OMG OMG Year Thirty One is the Best

So you guys may or may not know this, but TB at www.yearthirtyone.blogspot.com is the COOLEST.  Kind of like Snack Packs and peeing your pants (PLEASE tell me you get the Billy Madison reference), except WAY better.  She gave me THIS:

So slip into your tux (it's after six, after all, we're not farmers) and let me say that hers is the best blog ever and she is funny and awesome and everyone should look her up ASAP.  Okay?  Okay.  

Also, now that I am award-winning, I should probably award all of you for taking a peek at this every so often.  It definitely helps me be nicer to my friends, family, and the Binker, and for that, I thank YOU.  Like, a ton.  Who wants a hug?  A long one, with a lot of uninterrupted eye contact.  Anyone?  Anyone??

Why? Just, why?

Do you think Jodie Sweetin would have been better off just marrying him? She would have avoided all of that Gia nonsense, which of course led to her life of drugs and boob jobs...
Okay, these are not things.  Why would people look for these things, then?  They are NOT things!!!
  • full house stephanie friend duck face
    • What else is there?  That is all you need to know.  Why would you Google this, as this is all the information that is pertinent.
  • famous duck face girl
    • There is no way that is a thing.  It can't be.
  • stupid duck face
    • Duckface was NOT stupid. 
I feel like we should make a power point presentation detailing why all of these are wrong.  It will be set to the tune of "Lady in Red" or "Down on the Corner".  I can't decide.

Oh, and also, I am NOT looking to see if these ARE actual things, which would ruin my huff completely.

EW Busy. But I think it is over...

Yikes!  October was a total bust, vom, but November should be much better.  How was everyone's Halloween?  Ours was excellent because Bink is still too small to really eat candy, but big enough to wear a costume and have people think she is cute and therefore give her candy.  Husband and I have gone to town on her loot (procured ONLY from friends, I was too embarrassed to ask strangers for candy.  Also, Strangers With Candy.  We should probably talk about this really, really soon.) and it has been wonderful.

I may have mentioned that my large and helpful baby was a St. Bernard.  Note the whiskey barrel. 

You, I hate, Mom.  This outfit sucks.  Wait, camera?  Okay, fine.  I'm cute and fun-loving and would never complain about a costume!
It's no Peter Venkman (hands-down best costume ever), but it was pretty cute.