Bink's Movie Guide

So when Bink is old enough to appreciate all of the cool things I have done for her (gave her life, let her try Dunkin Donuts Munchkins, etc.), I will add yet another doozie to the list.  Yup, doozie.  It's THAT good.  I am going to present her with, no, not a love letter telling her how I loved her before I met her (though I totally DID do that but I will wait for a slightly less important time to present that to her, like, say, her wedding or when she gives birth), but a shoebox full of movies that will change her life. 

Change.  Her.  Life.

I call it "Bink's Movie Guide", and I hope to call it that in front of her friends.  It's a big deal, so I have to get this right.  What's on your list?  This is mine.  I can't put them in order, that would be like listing your favorite children on brands of box macaroni and cheese.  It's too hard. 

1. The Sound of Music.  Obviously.  When I was eight my whole life revolved around Kurt (he's eleven and he's incorrigible) and my marrying him.  I went all out and designed invitations, not realizing that Kurt was about 25 years older than me and actually not really Kurt von Trapp.  I can still sing all the songs and I know most of the lines.  Here's why I only know MOST of the lines, and not all of them: my copy of tSoM (that has to be what it's called) was a taped version off of ABC in 1986.  I still own it, der, but they cut out a TON of stuff to allow it to fit into the three-hour time block.  So I missed a lot - mainly the fact that Christopher Plummer isn't only mean until the very end, there are many sexy and funny things he says and does throughout the real movie, but I missed them until, like two years ago when my mom gave me the DVD and I was horrified.  Also, Christopher Plummer is TOTALLY sexy.  Okay, so tSoM, but I can't decide whether or not I want to show her my VHS 1986 version, complete with a Fritos commercial starring The Pointer Sisters, or the lame-o DVD version without any commercials at all.

Kurt, Present Day. I'd probably still bone him.

Christopher Plummer, present day. I'd definitely still bone him. Also, when will we be good enough friends to discuss Somewhere in Time at length? I'm waiting...

2. Savannah Smiles.  Everyone needs to see this movie, period.  I know SOME cool people have, but it really needs to stage a comeback.  Or a first-time, since nobody saw it.
3. Labyrinth.  It will teach her that creepy things are not always scary (Hoggle), and some things ARE (those horrendous orange people that sing the calypso song and David Bowie's "bulge"), but if you put in pop songs and an unattractive baby (I'm looking at YOU, Toby), everything will turn out fine in the end.  It's a great life lesson.

Remember how cute this little worm was? And he said "I'm just a worm" but he really knew EVERYTHING.

4. Disney's Robin Hood.  Because Robin Hood is hands-down the sexiest cartoon ever.  That voice!  OMG, I am dying right now.

Hubba, hubba...

5. Annie.  So she can learn all of the words to the songs, audition for the Broadway revival, and become famous and support me.  Fifty percent of the time, it works every time.
6. Camp Cucamonga.  Another must-see.  It stars the following: DJ Tanner, Winnie Cooper, Urkel, Paul from the Wonder Years, the guy from Clueless that Tai ends up with, Chad Allen, Jennifer Aniston, the guy who produces One Tree Hill but was first on Head of the Class, G. Gordon Liddy and John Ratzenberger.  And there is a rap.  It.  Is.  So.  Good.

Seriously, how can you not?

7. Dirty Dancing.  Don't worry, she won't figure out what the "folding table and a knife" thing means until she is 18, either.  Wait, was that just me?
8. Thumbelina.  I LOVED THIS MOVIE.  I was totally too old to watch it but did not care because I loved it SO much.  Okay, I know, I'm a creep and we're not friends anymore.  But I swear it's good!

So this is the beginning of my list.  Give me more!