I Just Want to be...



Wait, let's back up.  Do you do this?  I am always looking at other people and thinking "Oh, I wish I were funny like them" or "I wish I were outgoing like they are" or "I wish I dressed so well, like her" but I never stop to think about what I do well, or what I am like - you know?  It's sort of a dumb thing that made me think of it.  Here's what happened:

I was at a department store where I had a gift card and decided to treat myself to some makeup.  I wasn't wearing any so I looked like, well, an ogre and I was talking to the woman at Bobbi Brown (because that's what Kate and Pippa use and, well, they are perfect) and telling her I wanted a few things for everyday that looked pretty but still natural.  We were experimenting and she pulled out a really pretty red color when she meant to pull something rosy and neutral and she said "Oh, my!  Sorry for scaring you there! That's a bright red, we won't use that!" She was being nice and making a joke, but I love makeup.  I usually wear it everyday, and lots of it.  But since I looked like a hobo sidling up to the makeup counter, obviously she thought I was one of those hippie girls who have frizzy hair (mine is just greasy from not shampooing daily, thankyouverymuch - just kidding, well, it probably is a little greasier but I am sort of loving the every-other-day thing) that, like, doesn't understand what highlighter is.  Der.  I own like five of them.  They lift and separate!

So I got to thinking that the image I am projecting is 100% NOT the person I actually am right now, but what AM I? 

We could get into it, but come on, I know I'm just like everyone else.  Sometimes I'm one way, sometimes I'm different.  Right now I am wearing navy polish, and wish I were wearing something neutral.  Worrying so much about appearances is dumb, but I think that when I'm feeling awkward and not confident about myself, it's easier to focus on hair and makeup and the outside things rather than really ask yourself WHY you are feeling awkward and not-confident. 

So even though I don't make New Year's Resolutions (I always do birthday ones) I think I am going to try to make an effort to feel, well, less awkward and not-confident and I won't really care so much about lipgloss and blush. Well, I always will, but you know what I mean.


  1. That was my New Year's Resolution last year:


    Well...basically. I would never vow to care less about makeup or my appearance, but I stopped caring what other people thought about my appearance and stopped comparing myself to others.

    I think you should wear red lipstick tomorrow. :)

  2. YES! Exactly!! It's true - it is so easy to get sucked in and feel like sh!t for no real reason, because you are only in charge of you (and the Kid :)) and everything else is a waste of time. Inspiration is the only thing that is worth taking from anyone. Did you keep this attitude? Was it hard? Do you feel better about yourself now than you did a year ago? I think you are awesome!

  3. I've had a few minor setbacks, but for the most part, I've kept this attitude. I feel great! It's amazing how much self-confidence can be derived from not giving a f*ck what others think. :)

    The only downside (if you can call it that), is that I lost a few friends over it. I say lost, but I guess I just decided that it wasn't worth being around people who made me feel bad about myself, so it was a conscious decision. Life's too short to let others bring you down, you know?

  4. OMG we also have to talk about THIS. I feel l ike this is definitely happening in my life and it is VERY hard not to be sad about it. But you're right, there is no need to spend time with people who don't want only good things for you.

  5. It's been a hard transition, not gonna lie. Even though I don't necessarily like the people I've abandoned, I still get kind of sad when I see on FB that they're hanging out without me. :(

    You should call me sometime if you have the time. I'll email you my phone number. If it would be easier over email, feel free to spill your guts to me that way. :)

  6. Hey, yo. I am late as usual. But I wanted to say that I make the very same New Year's resolution every year. Some years I am better at it than others. And here it is:

    "Julia, be gentle with yourself."

    That's it. It reminds me to stop being my own worst critic. Because it's my job to love myself best of all.

    You are the awesomest, K.

  7. YES. That is awesome. And YOU are awesome, J. I can't wait until we can finally ditch S for good... :) xoxo