Breaking Amish

Anyone?  Yeah, it's amazing.  Let's discuss.  I am steadily working my way through my two-buck Chuck and to help me along are Rebecca, Jeremiah, Sabrina, Abe and Kate, the Model Amish.  HEAVEN.  Okay, so my girlfriends and I watched the first episode last night.  Let's start off by saying that US WEEKLY said that this show was exploitative, so, um, yeah, you know it's going to be horrifying, but we persevered.  Because it is a total trainwreck that also lead to some really deep thinking...

1. Okay, these kids are Amish and Mennonites - I know Sabrina can use electricity, but can she use the internet and TV?  How did they get to be on this show in the first place?  Like, how would they have known about it?  The only thing we came up with was that random TLC producers were walking around their communities and asked them.  How else could it have worked?

2. Why was it okay for Abe's family to be on TV but, like, nobody else?  And why was Ella so mean and manly?  And why did Andy look like Rob Gronkowski? 

3. How did Rebecca get that FAT wad of cash? 

4. Why did they keep alluding to Kate's DUI but never actually talk about it on the show?  Did I miss something when I was getting more wine?

5. Jeremiah and Sabrina are adopted.  How did that happen?  I thought the whole point was to be separate so how did adoption even come up? 

6. Why am I so in love with Abe's brother/Gronk?  Will he be on future episodes?

7. Why was it the shortest hour of television ever?  It seriously lasted like 68 seconds. 

8. Why are they shunned if they leave?  I thought the whole rumspringa thing was exactly this, so why will they have to eat outside from now on?

Okay, everyone please watch this with me so we can discuss because I promise I'm going to be addicted. 


  1. I have many of the same questions. Also, I feel like a horrible person for even watching this, but I can't. look. away.

    Okay, so:

    1. I was thinking the same thing re: producers approaching vulnerable-looking kids. However, maybe they just put up a poster somewhere that they know lots of Amish/Mennonites frequent, like the fabric store or farm supply store or something of the like.

    2. I guess that family is nicer than all the other families. Also, they were obviously in need of some excitement in their lives since they just sit around in chairs, staring at the walls, when they're not working. (seriously, Ella was freaking me out in that rocking chair)

    3. My husband thought that maybe the kids all saved every penny they ever earned since they obviously didn't need it for makeup or handbags, but I think the producers gave them money. I mean, how else would a bunch of Amish kids who are shunned by their families be able to afford to live in NYC and acquire all-new wardrobes and copious amounts of booze?

    4. You were getting more wine. She talked all about it. She got caught filming and was shunned several weeks before the NYC trip was to happen. She flew down to FL where she knew some people (on TLC's dime, I assume), and when things were starting to look up, she learned to drive and went out drinking. She blew twice the legal limit, even though she said that she only had a couple of drinks. (Then again...she is awfully skinny. Did you SEE her in that bikini???) She went for her court date but didn't have a lawyer, so they reset her court date for four weeks later so that she could have time to hire an attorney. I'm curious to see how far into the season that happens, since it's only four weeks away. It'll probably end up at the end of the season, because these shows film in, like, a week and make us think it's been three months or whatever.

    5. I thought that too! Why didn't the parents think, "Well, God doesn't want us to have kids"?? Also, I loved watching Jeremiah complain about being adopted. That was HIGH-larious. "If they hadn't adopted me, I would have to do all this WORK an MAYBE I could have some FUN every once in a while!" HAHAHAHAHHAHA.

    6. I do not know. He's not bad looking, though.

    7. It felt long to me, but I didn't have any wine.

    8. I wondered that too. Maybe that's a different branch of Amish. I don't quite understand the whole shunning thing anyway--does that only last for a limited time, or for the rest of their lives? If it's limited, how long? If it's forever, why would they ever go back?

    I have some additional questions: Rebecca's mom was unwed. How did that happen? Was her mom shunned and never heard from again? She was raised by her grandparents, so does that mean that her mom is out of the picture? WHAT IS HAPPENING THERE????

    This was a super-long comment.

  2. OK. Here's my question about this show...

    Why is it not already recording in my DVR?! Must find it now!

  3. T - I am peeing my pants. I am so, so glad you watched this. YES! How is it okay for Rebecca's mom to be unwed?! And they MUST be getting money, because I have a job and can't afford to live it up in NYC for a weekend, let alone multiple months. OMG, I loooved how Jeremiah was SOMAD about being Amish! Ella was the worst but I want her to be on every episode. My girlfriend was calling her "Fella" and we were dying. Also, Abe is so kind and sweet and I don't want him to skank it up with Rebecca. You know she's the bad one. He should marry Sabrina and they can live in NYC and sing to chickens.