Boob Lamps

Okay, I am going to share with you something very personal and awful.  It happened over the weekend and I don't know if I'll ever get over it.  Let me start by saying that the girl I sit next to has a really annoying ringtone (who has ringtones anymore?  Doesn't everyone just do vibrate?  On my old phone, back in the 2000s, my ringtone was from Family Guy, from the episode where Brian becomes a drug sniffing police dog and becomes addicted to cocaine and Meg says "Wow, Brian, have you lost weight?  You gotta tell me your secret?" and Brian says, "Here's a hint, put down the fork!! FACE!"  It was a long ringtone.) and someone keeps calling her.  Now let me tell the story.

So on Saturday, I went to Home Depot three times.  Prior to Saturday, my lifetime Home Depot visits were one.  I will say that I adore Home Depot and cannot wait to go back to get stick-on backsplash and mirrors and more paint to transform all of my old ecky furniture into Pinterest-worthy items.  My first two trips to HD were to purchase mirrors for the bathrooms, various nails, and other things that I forget but were very important at the time. My third visit was taken with my little brother.  We had been working and chasing Bink around all day and maybe getting a little punchy.  We were tasked to buy five lights for the bedrooms and living room and had very little time to do so.

CEILING PAINT!  That's what we bought on the second trip.

So the HD lighting section is large and wonderful.  Most of the lighting is tasteful and simple, but of course my brother found the ceiling fan-slash-light-up-globe-planet and became totally obsessed with it and tried to make me buy it.  I would not.  So he stood there, like this, staring up at this stupid fan while I did all of the hard work:
Looking lovingly at the globe light. Sans Jonas Brother haircut.
Also, do you know any Jonas Brothers songs?  I don't know any.  So why are they so famous?  And why is Carly Rae Jepsen Justin Beiber's protege?  He's like fourteen and she is at least old enough to vote or buy cigs.

So I pick out my lights and tell him we can go and he looks at me and is like "You have to put those back."

Me: "What?  Shut up, we have to get back.  These lights are awesome."

Bro: "No, they are not.  You have to put them back."


Bro: "Fine.  You should, but fine.  But you have to put those lights back, anyway."

Me: "Why?"

Bro: "I'm not saying it."

Me: "I don't know what you are talking about!"

Bro: "Don't.  Make.  Me.  Say.  It."

Me: "TELL ME!!"

Bro: "Fine.  You asked.  It's because... they look like boobs."


We do NOT say "boob" to each other!  We just don't.  It cannot be explained or helped or defended.  It is just how it is.  I could not look at him for like two hours and was so furious.  Not to mention he was WRONG and they did NOT look like boobs!

Fine, they TOTALLY did.  He was right and I was wrong.  But it doesn't make it okay.  Boob lamps for life!

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