Sometimes I Pretend I'm French

And today is one of those days.  I am listening to Francoise Hardy on Pandora, re-reading my favorite stupid book "Entre Nous" for the 1538905868htjeriogjklsjugirth time in a row (or is it rd?) and trying to be a good woman.  Feel free to hate me forever, I sort of do. 

I don't care I love it.

I'm just having a crappy day - it's pouring out, work is kicking my butt, and I spent way too much time thinking about Hot Pockets this morning.  Going to a wine bar tonight, so fance, so I am sure things will improve, but ech.  Glad it's Thursday.  And that I'm faux French today.  Mon cher!

A Thanksgiving Tradition...

Many years ago, my dear brother and I began a Thanksgiving tradition that really captures the essence of our relationship.  Through good times and bad, my baby brother has always been there for me, and the holiday season never truly begins until we embark on our yearly pilgrimage (via email, obviously) to Hot Pocket Land.  Where we request a Thanksgiving pocket.  This is what we've been writing basically since 2001:

Good morning!  I would like to submit a suggestion for your already wonderful assortment of products.  The Thanksgiving pocket!  Holiday season is almost here and I would love to experience turkey, gravy, stuffing and cranberry sauce in a delicious Hot Pocket.  All best!  Love, K

And every year they reply something lame (I randomly cannot cut and paste it, which sucks because it is hilarious) - the EXACT SAME something lame, and it's always from a girl named Katy Homes.  No joke.

Hooooooot pockeeeeeeeeeeeets. PLEASE tell me you've seen this. Hysterical.

So we sent the email in today, and we will see what happens.  Note: I don't really eat Hot Pockets (anymore, I used to eat them all the time and am now dying for a Cheese Pizza pocket) now, but isn't that an AWESOME idea?!  Come on!  You know you'd be into it when you were wasted at 7-11, picking up snacks for your walk home to your mom's house after a night on the town (just me?  Yikes!) and you can also be famous by association.  Because now you know.  The campaign for the Thanksgiving pocket begins... ten years ago!  Hooray!

Also, I have a Hot Pockets t-shirt that I got from submitting UPC codes that says "Hot and cheesy, fast and easy" and it is the greatest thing of all time. 

Snack Packs are Awful.

I don't think I really have anything more to say about that.  Seriously, they are.  Especially room temperature.  At least when they've been in the fridge, they taste like cold (tastes like burning!).

Sorry, you're not the coolest. This is the kind I have right here, maybe the full-fat ones are better?

Oh, I have a bunch of Snack Packs at my desk from my tooth incident and I just ate one because, well, it's like Randy Jackson's autograph, you're not gonna not, you know?  But Billy is wrong.  Snack Packs at room temperature taste like squishy chemicals.

Lovely day

Okay, so it's November, right?  Well, today it feels like spring.  It even smells like spring.  Heaven.  Though this does make total sense, as I just bought the best coat of all time and it arrived in the mail this weekend.  Believe me, I am not complaining (dude, yes I AM!) but it's going to be really weird tonight when Binks and I are dining al fresco in the pitch black.  Again, not that I am complaining.

Also, Greek salad from Panera.  For reals.

And get this.  I was hungover YESTERDAY from SATURDAY.  Can you even?  It is hard being old.  And sad.  The only thing getting me through is that Teen Wolf is playing pretty much nonstop on NBA Network now that there is no basketball.  It's no Teen Witch (because, well, obviously Teen Witch is the best ever and nothing can beat it.  Did I put that on my Bink Movie List?  If not, it needs to be on there, because how can she learn how to be cool otherwise, right?) but it's not bad.  Don't tell me you didn't have a weird crush on the dad.  I DID NOT!


Oh, Boof. Also, Boof.

And finally, a friend of mine is joining the gym with me tomorrow.  She intimated that she feared I'd be one of "those" girls who walks around with no pants on like it's no big deal and I am totally offended.  Why do those girls walk around naked at the gym?  Like, extra naked.  It's fine if you are changing, but come on.  Get a life.  And pants.

OMG OMG OMG OMG Year Thirty One is the Best

So you guys may or may not know this, but TB at www.yearthirtyone.blogspot.com is the COOLEST.  Kind of like Snack Packs and peeing your pants (PLEASE tell me you get the Billy Madison reference), except WAY better.  She gave me THIS:

So slip into your tux (it's after six, after all, we're not farmers) and let me say that hers is the best blog ever and she is funny and awesome and everyone should look her up ASAP.  Okay?  Okay.  

Also, now that I am award-winning, I should probably award all of you for taking a peek at this every so often.  It definitely helps me be nicer to my friends, family, and the Binker, and for that, I thank YOU.  Like, a ton.  Who wants a hug?  A long one, with a lot of uninterrupted eye contact.  Anyone?  Anyone??

Why? Just, why?



Do you think Jodie Sweetin would have been better off just marrying him? She would have avoided all of that Gia nonsense, which of course led to her life of drugs and boob jobs...

Okay, these are not things.  Why would people look for these things, then?  They are NOT things!!!

• full house stephanie friend duck face
• What else is there?  That is all you need to know.  Why would you Google this, as this is all the information that is pertinent.
• famous duck face girl
• There is no way that is a thing.  It can't be.
• stupid duck face
• Duckface was NOT stupid. 

I feel like we should make a power point presentation detailing why all of these are wrong.  It will be set to the tune of "Lady in Red" or "Down on the Corner".  I can't decide.

Oh, and also, I am NOT looking to see if these ARE actual things, which would ruin my huff completely.

EW Busy. But I think it is over...

Yikes!  October was a total bust, vom, but November should be much better.  How was everyone's Halloween?  Ours was excellent because Bink is still too small to really eat candy, but big enough to wear a costume and have people think she is cute and therefore give her candy.  Husband and I have gone to town on her loot (procured ONLY from friends, I was too embarrassed to ask strangers for candy.  Also, Strangers With Candy.  We should probably talk about this really, really soon.) and it has been wonderful.

I may have mentioned that my large and helpful baby was a St. Bernard.  Note the whiskey barrel. 


You, I hate, Mom.  This outfit sucks.  Wait, camera?  Okay, fine.  I'm cute and fun-loving and would never complain about a costume!

It's no Peter Venkman (hands-down best costume ever), but it was pretty cute.