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| In a week, this could be me. (This is not actually me). |
9/30/11
Something Super Awesome is Happening...
I can't say just what it is yet, but it involves meeting Weird Al Yankovic. Wait. Crap. That's what it is. Stay tuned.
The Corner
Well, it actually probably happened a couple of weeks ago, but finally... FINALLY... Bink sleeps. Like, really sleeps. And loves it. For months, this kid refused to relax. Scratch that, she'd be RELAXED, but Husband and I would have to be with her or else she'd scream. I suspect this is partially a bit of her personality and a LOT of Husband and I completely not being able to let her cry and she got used to us being there as she slept. Or did not sleep.
Now, I'm a crap sleeper, always have been. But Bink was baaaaaad. Always up, always yelling, hating naps, the works. She wasn't tough about it, either. She'd be a little miserable crank sitting up with her big miserable crank parents and it was just. Plain. Terrible.
But then, something happened.
Maybe it was the trains, maybe it was that she was finally aware enough to realize we drive her crazy and she vants to be alone (yes, I typed that on purpose), but girlfriend looooves her sleeping now. Through the night? No PROBLEM. Naps? Two of them, suckas. It's probably just a normal thing that happens (a LOT earlier for most babies), but I don't care. We're in it now, and I am LOVING it.
So much, that maybe it's time for a Bink Sib? FINE, not just yet...
Now, I'm a crap sleeper, always have been. But Bink was baaaaaad. Always up, always yelling, hating naps, the works. She wasn't tough about it, either. She'd be a little miserable crank sitting up with her big miserable crank parents and it was just. Plain. Terrible.
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| This comes up when you Google "no big deal". |
Maybe it was the trains, maybe it was that she was finally aware enough to realize we drive her crazy and she vants to be alone (yes, I typed that on purpose), but girlfriend looooves her sleeping now. Through the night? No PROBLEM. Naps? Two of them, suckas. It's probably just a normal thing that happens (a LOT earlier for most babies), but I don't care. We're in it now, and I am LOVING it.
So much, that maybe it's time for a Bink Sib? FINE, not just yet...
9/29/11
Good Day
Can you NOT be in a good mood when you hear this song? Bink and I put it on repeat and have dance parties. On this gray, crapfest day it is a nice pick-me-up. Again, you're welcome. I know you're dancing in your seat. I can see you.
No, seriously. I can. So put some damn pants on.
It's All Right, 'Cause it's Saved by the Bell Thursday
Oh, hi. You again? Hmm...
Just kidding, it's the most wonderful time of the week. Saved by the Bell Thursday. Truth be told, I was totally laughing about this all morning, which was probably strange for my fellow train riders, but whateva. I'm pumped up on a triple grande skinny caramel macchiatto (how is that spelled? I'm not checking.) and pumpkin spice coffee from this awesome place in Portsmouth, NH called Breaking New Grounds and everything's coming up...
MAX NERDSTROM!!!
Okay, so here's what I remember. Max was the teeny guy who is totally mean to Violet Bickerstaff (Donna Martin Graduates!) and in the episode where Screech's mom goes to visit Graceland and "the guys" sing Barbara Ann in those "wild!" outfits and the girls point and laugh in an odd, synchronized way and then they break the "very expensive" bust of Elvis and have to have a poker game with Max in order to get the money to replace the BUST and then Max wins so they throw a party instead and Max kisses who he thinks is Jessie but is actually Screech's dog whose name I forget, and Max says "Spahhhhhno" instead of Spano and yeah, he is teeny. I feel like this is a complex plotline but the best parts are when the girls all lean in and laugh hysterically when "the guys" do all of their dancing and when Kelly yells "PARENTS!" when Screech's parents come home from their trip unexpectedly. You'd think they'd get in trouble, but luckily Zack is on the case and turns it into an awesomely fun anniversary party! Yay!
Also, I totally thought that made Kelly seem cool and badass when I first watched this in fifth grade. WHAT.
Okay, here's what the Internets have to say:
Maxwell Nerdstrom
Nerdstrom (played by Jeffrey Asch) was a rich nerd who made a few appearances during sophomore year and once during senior year. He was Violet Bickerstaff’s boyfriend and treated her rather poorly, although he did buy her a gold-plated pocket protector. His poor treatment of her was one of the factors in her becoming Screech’s girlfriend. While most of the nerds comported themselves with a bumbling dignity at most, Nerdstrom went above and beyond, behaving a pompous, stuck-up geek. He defeated Zach in a game of poker, but perhaps his most noted accomplishment at Bayside was mistakenly kissing Screech’s Maxwell Nerdstrom, "Hound Dog", to everybody’s delight.
He is seen in a future episode buying fake gold rings from Zack Morris, which left a green mark on the wearer's finger.
"Treated her raaaaahther poorly." What is he, the King of England? Heaven. And we also see here that I am totally right about everything, der, and even more exciting, he appears to be a real person with CURRENT PHOTOS AVAILABLE ONLINE BECAUSE HE HAS A CRAAAAAZY MYSPACE PAGE. No, it has not been updated since 2007, but who cares. You're welcome, kids...
Just kidding, it's the most wonderful time of the week. Saved by the Bell Thursday. Truth be told, I was totally laughing about this all morning, which was probably strange for my fellow train riders, but whateva. I'm pumped up on a triple grande skinny caramel macchiatto (how is that spelled? I'm not checking.) and pumpkin spice coffee from this awesome place in Portsmouth, NH called Breaking New Grounds and everything's coming up...
MAX NERDSTROM!!!
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| Ba-ba-ba-ba-babar-ann |
Also, I totally thought that made Kelly seem cool and badass when I first watched this in fifth grade. WHAT.
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| No words. |
Okay, here's what the Internets have to say:
Maxwell Nerdstrom
Nerdstrom (played by Jeffrey Asch) was a rich nerd who made a few appearances during sophomore year and once during senior year. He was Violet Bickerstaff’s boyfriend and treated her rather poorly, although he did buy her a gold-plated pocket protector. His poor treatment of her was one of the factors in her becoming Screech’s girlfriend. While most of the nerds comported themselves with a bumbling dignity at most, Nerdstrom went above and beyond, behaving a pompous, stuck-up geek. He defeated Zach in a game of poker, but perhaps his most noted accomplishment at Bayside was mistakenly kissing Screech’s Maxwell Nerdstrom, "Hound Dog", to everybody’s delight.
He is seen in a future episode buying fake gold rings from Zack Morris, which left a green mark on the wearer's finger.
"Treated her raaaaahther poorly." What is he, the King of England? Heaven. And we also see here that I am totally right about everything, der, and even more exciting, he appears to be a real person with CURRENT PHOTOS AVAILABLE ONLINE BECAUSE HE HAS A CRAAAAAZY MYSPACE PAGE. No, it has not been updated since 2007, but who cares. You're welcome, kids...
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| I am trying to remmeber some Max Nerdstrom quotes, but I can't. So enjoy this picture of him on a couch, enjoying dessert instead. |
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| I remembered one! "What a woman!" (after the dog/Jessie Spaaaaaaahno kisses him) |
9/28/11
Single Parenthood
Husband has been away for work all week, and I think he needs to come home. Here is why:
1. I have not watched the news since he left.
2. I have not taken out the trash since he left, and it is piling up in a jumble that is starting to closely resemble TrashHeap from Fraggle Rock.
3. Bink and I have only eaten white foods: pasta, pizza, cheese and white wine. Fine, she has formula, same diff.
4. We've watched Hart of Dixie seven times. Could this show be any more awesome? I am so excited to see the love affair play out between the mean girl from White Chicks and the basketball player Brandon tutored and Donna was besties with from 90210. Also, obviously he was Wallace's dad on Veronica Mars. Also, Summer (whatev, she will always be Summer, you know it)'s outfits are INSANE. I love them so much and am combing the Internets for knockoff versions.
So, Husband, it's time to come home. Bink is starting to lose it...
1. I have not watched the news since he left.
2. I have not taken out the trash since he left, and it is piling up in a jumble that is starting to closely resemble TrashHeap from Fraggle Rock.
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| Um, do you remember him looking like this? I do NOT. |
4. We've watched Hart of Dixie seven times. Could this show be any more awesome? I am so excited to see the love affair play out between the mean girl from White Chicks and the basketball player Brandon tutored and Donna was besties with from 90210. Also, obviously he was Wallace's dad on Veronica Mars. Also, Summer (whatev, she will always be Summer, you know it)'s outfits are INSANE. I love them so much and am combing the Internets for knockoff versions.
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| Oh, D'Shawn Hardell, how are you still dreamy after all of those cheesy roles? Also, who isn't dying over her outfit? |
9/26/11
YES, it makes sense.
So I have been reading Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer and it's so good. I read it a while ago, but apparently I don't remember books, only intricate plot lines of early 90s family-friendly comedies (note: I also know every single thing about every single episode of Full House UNTIL DJ grew her bangs out. Then it just got stupid.) Anyway, since FLDS (Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints - the ones who are on Sister Wives) are basically in the Utah area, and Utah is the home of Salt Lake City, it got me thinking that two of my favorite movies take place in Salt Lake City. What?! This is a totally normal conclusion.
Seriously, though, what the a-holes did to the mother and baby makes my blood boil. You need to become obsessed and outraged immediately. Okay, I'm not going to talk about the book anymore. Seriously, though, read it.
Back to why you came. What movies are you talking about, Bink's Mom?? Well, friends, you probably already know them well, but I guess I will tell you.
1. Savannah Smiles
2. A Hobo's Christmas
What are these movies, nay, FILMS, you say? Well, you probably know Savannah Smiles. It's about a little girl from a rich family who is tired of being ignored by her very wealthy parents (say it like this: veeeeeeeery weeeeeeeeeeeeeeealthy, Lovey) so she decides to run away from home. She goes to the playground with her auntie, and decides to hide in the car of two bumbling ex-cons who take her on a wild adventure that includes buying toys, living in a house, and Pat Morita is in it. Also, the ex-cons eat squirrel and their names are Alvie and Bootsy. Alvie. And. Bootsy. Men.
I know this description makes it sound kind of boring and stupid and, well, level-twoish, but it isn't, it is totally awesome. Yup, I said totally awesome. The little girl in it is literally the cutest child ever made. It's really sad, she died of a drug overdose when she was like 21 or something. I don't want to end on that sad note, and really, I need to watch it again to get more details because for reals, yo, it is AWESOME. There are random songs in it written FOR the movie "Savannah Smiles" and "White Knight", to name them all, and if you have a kid, or were a kid, or know a kid, you should watch this movie. It is AWESOME.
But the real prize of this post is of course A Hobo's Christmas. So, like, eight years ago on Thanksgiving morning, I was watching TV (obviously) and I had missed the opening credits. I was watching my ghetto-tastic TV/VCR combo set, that did not have digital anything and therefore I could not check to see what the movie was actually called. But there was talk about all of these hobos so I said to myself, "What's the name of this movie, A Hobo's Christmas?" and laughed for 2 hours.
And friends, you guessed it. It actually was.
So Gerald McRaney is a cop in SLC (Salt Lake City for the poseurs) with two kids. He's a widower from Buffalo or somewhere, where he was a coal miner or something. He has a girlfriend who is a nurse that he cannot give his whole heart to... for some reason... could it be that he is unable to love due to the loss of his wife? Nah. It's because his dad is a hobo and ran out on him when he was 12 to ride the rails! Also, he definitely calls the girlfriend fat in one scene and there are several "cuts" to different scenes that are actually old news footage. It is the greatest thing of all time.
The story is of course dumb and pointless - Major Dad and the hobo work out their issues, and you meet a hilarious gang of other hoboes along the way - including Cincinatti Harold, Biloxi Slim, and Omaha John Boswell. Please tell me you are cracking up right now. Otherwise, I'm taking back my Best Friends necklace.
So please, watch these movies. They're probably out on DVD or on some sort of hip and cool "online" whatever. I don't get that, either. Why is society making things so difficult for me? Can't I just have my TV/VCR combo back!? Come on!!
Excuse me while I French Omaha John Boswell.
Seriously, though, what the a-holes did to the mother and baby makes my blood boil. You need to become obsessed and outraged immediately. Okay, I'm not going to talk about the book anymore. Seriously, though, read it.
Back to why you came. What movies are you talking about, Bink's Mom?? Well, friends, you probably already know them well, but I guess I will tell you.
1. Savannah Smiles
2. A Hobo's Christmas
What are these movies, nay, FILMS, you say? Well, you probably know Savannah Smiles. It's about a little girl from a rich family who is tired of being ignored by her very wealthy parents (say it like this: veeeeeeeery weeeeeeeeeeeeeeealthy, Lovey) so she decides to run away from home. She goes to the playground with her auntie, and decides to hide in the car of two bumbling ex-cons who take her on a wild adventure that includes buying toys, living in a house, and Pat Morita is in it. Also, the ex-cons eat squirrel and their names are Alvie and Bootsy. Alvie. And. Bootsy. Men.
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| Seriously, the most gorgeous little girl ever. |
I know this description makes it sound kind of boring and stupid and, well, level-twoish, but it isn't, it is totally awesome. Yup, I said totally awesome. The little girl in it is literally the cutest child ever made. It's really sad, she died of a drug overdose when she was like 21 or something. I don't want to end on that sad note, and really, I need to watch it again to get more details because for reals, yo, it is AWESOME. There are random songs in it written FOR the movie "Savannah Smiles" and "White Knight", to name them all, and if you have a kid, or were a kid, or know a kid, you should watch this movie. It is AWESOME.
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| Bootsy and Alvie, bitches! |
But the real prize of this post is of course A Hobo's Christmas. So, like, eight years ago on Thanksgiving morning, I was watching TV (obviously) and I had missed the opening credits. I was watching my ghetto-tastic TV/VCR combo set, that did not have digital anything and therefore I could not check to see what the movie was actually called. But there was talk about all of these hobos so I said to myself, "What's the name of this movie, A Hobo's Christmas?" and laughed for 2 hours.
And friends, you guessed it. It actually was.
 |
| Save a horse, hug a hobo. |
So Gerald McRaney is a cop in SLC (Salt Lake City for the poseurs) with two kids. He's a widower from Buffalo or somewhere, where he was a coal miner or something. He has a girlfriend who is a nurse that he cannot give his whole heart to... for some reason... could it be that he is unable to love due to the loss of his wife? Nah. It's because his dad is a hobo and ran out on him when he was 12 to ride the rails! Also, he definitely calls the girlfriend fat in one scene and there are several "cuts" to different scenes that are actually old news footage. It is the greatest thing of all time.
 |
| I love you and your sexy red hat, fat nurse... |
So please, watch these movies. They're probably out on DVD or on some sort of hip and cool "online" whatever. I don't get that, either. Why is society making things so difficult for me? Can't I just have my TV/VCR combo back!? Come on!!
Excuse me while I French Omaha John Boswell.
9/23/11
The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name
So since I've been MIA-ish all week I missed out on telling you about something very important that happened.
Bink has found love.
I know, it surprised me, too, but maybe not as much as it surprised Bink. She wasn't looking to fall in love, but it found her. Let me explain.
Recently, we took Bink to a farm. It's really cute, it has animals (der), you can pick stuff, you can buy stuff. Including...
Pumpkins.
I picked one up for Bink, since she was born after Halloween last year (though she was DUE on Halloween but born afterward so she did not get to wear the awesome pumpkin hat I bought for her to wear and yes I am still bitter about it.) and has not yet experienced the wonder that is free candy and booze on all Hallow's Eve. It was a little pumpkin, for a little Bink, so I let her hold it while we looked at the animals.
As if.
The lights dimmed (yes, I know we were outside), Lady In Red came on, and hearts started flying around Bink's face, cartoon-style. She had found the man of her dreams, in the form of a small, orange... what is a pumpkin? A fruit? A vegetable? I don't know. Or care. Anyway, she was obsessed. This is a big deal, as usually we cannot get Bink away from animals because she loves them so much. She's like Joe-Joe the idiot circus boy with his pretty new pet, and I'm saying that as a compliment. I wish I loved goats that much.
I digress. So here is Bink pre-pumpkin. Cool, calm, collected.
The saga continues...
Bink has found love.
I know, it surprised me, too, but maybe not as much as it surprised Bink. She wasn't looking to fall in love, but it found her. Let me explain.
Recently, we took Bink to a farm. It's really cute, it has animals (der), you can pick stuff, you can buy stuff. Including...
Pumpkins.
I picked one up for Bink, since she was born after Halloween last year (though she was DUE on Halloween but born afterward so she did not get to wear the awesome pumpkin hat I bought for her to wear and yes I am still bitter about it.) and has not yet experienced the wonder that is free candy and booze on all Hallow's Eve. It was a little pumpkin, for a little Bink, so I let her hold it while we looked at the animals.
As if.
The lights dimmed (yes, I know we were outside), Lady In Red came on, and hearts started flying around Bink's face, cartoon-style. She had found the man of her dreams, in the form of a small, orange... what is a pumpkin? A fruit? A vegetable? I don't know. Or care. Anyway, she was obsessed. This is a big deal, as usually we cannot get Bink away from animals because she loves them so much. She's like Joe-Joe the idiot circus boy with his pretty new pet, and I'm saying that as a compliment. I wish I loved goats that much.
I digress. So here is Bink pre-pumpkin. Cool, calm, collected.
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| Awesome! Farmtastic! I heart animals for life! |
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| I hear there are some goats around here, Mom... |
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| Gimme that. No, really. Gimme that. |
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| Contemplative among the goats. |
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| I wish one would talk to me... |
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| If you don't love me, I don't love you, biatch. Get over yoself. |
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| There is a new man in my life. |
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| Goat: "But I'm here, Bink! Come hang with me! I know I was shy at first, but you're a really nice girl. Come on, whaddaya say?? |
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| You have been replaced. |
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| I love you SOOOO much more than any goat. Heartbreaker. You'd never leave me. |
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| So I dropped my boyfriend/pumpkin. What's goin' on? Come here often? |
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| I'm torn between two lovers. And it's time for my nap. Let's bust this piece. |
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