A few odds and ends

1. My mom suggested I add "An Affair to Remember" to my movie list and she is correct, as I think my grandfather was exactly like Cary Grant.

= my Grandpa

2. Two more traffic sources: Dance Til Dawn 1988 and Cute Sloth.  I was really laughing at the latter until I realized that I put up a picture of a cute sloth and it's not THAT funny.  But sort of.
3. I am having an "off" week.  Is anyone else?



Is it because I have peed on you twice in two days?  Say it ain't so!

 4. Bink is full-on teething and hates us.  She also hates sleep.  The only thing she likes is Baby Tylenol.  So therefore the only thing I like is Baby Tylenol.  And I also feel like she is going to wake up one day with a full set of teeth like in that commercial for some random pet food.  And also, all teething "helpers" are a total sham.  Nothing works but Baby Tylenol.  We know it.

Gimme my Tylenol, woman.  And that shiny thing.

5. Hart of Dixie.  Everyone watch it.  It is sooo cheesy and wonderful and just keeps getting better. 

So I've got to get back to working my tail off, but some things to ponder.  Mostly watch Hart of Dixie.  Capisce?  Is that how you spell it?  I'm not Greek like Jesse Katsopolis but still use mobster-esque language anyway...

Bink's Movie Guide

So when Bink is old enough to appreciate all of the cool things I have done for her (gave her life, let her try Dunkin Donuts Munchkins, etc.), I will add yet another doozie to the list.  Yup, doozie.  It's THAT good.  I am going to present her with, no, not a love letter telling her how I loved her before I met her (though I totally DID do that but I will wait for a slightly less important time to present that to her, like, say, her wedding or when she gives birth), but a shoebox full of movies that will change her life. 

Change.  Her.  Life.

I call it "Bink's Movie Guide", and I hope to call it that in front of her friends.  It's a big deal, so I have to get this right.  What's on your list?  This is mine.  I can't put them in order, that would be like listing your favorite children on brands of box macaroni and cheese.  It's too hard. 

1. The Sound of Music.  Obviously.  When I was eight my whole life revolved around Kurt (he's eleven and he's incorrigible) and my marrying him.  I went all out and designed invitations, not realizing that Kurt was about 25 years older than me and actually not really Kurt von Trapp.  I can still sing all the songs and I know most of the lines.  Here's why I only know MOST of the lines, and not all of them: my copy of tSoM (that has to be what it's called) was a taped version off of ABC in 1986.  I still own it, der, but they cut out a TON of stuff to allow it to fit into the three-hour time block.  So I missed a lot - mainly the fact that Christopher Plummer isn't only mean until the very end, there are many sexy and funny things he says and does throughout the real movie, but I missed them until, like two years ago when my mom gave me the DVD and I was horrified.  Also, Christopher Plummer is TOTALLY sexy.  Okay, so tSoM, but I can't decide whether or not I want to show her my VHS 1986 version, complete with a Fritos commercial starring The Pointer Sisters, or the lame-o DVD version without any commercials at all.

Kurt, Present Day. I'd probably still bone him.

Christopher Plummer, present day. I'd definitely still bone him. Also, when will we be good enough friends to discuss Somewhere in Time at length? I'm waiting...

2. Savannah Smiles.  Everyone needs to see this movie, period.  I know SOME cool people have, but it really needs to stage a comeback.  Or a first-time, since nobody saw it.
3. Labyrinth.  It will teach her that creepy things are not always scary (Hoggle), and some things ARE (those horrendous orange people that sing the calypso song and David Bowie's "bulge"), but if you put in pop songs and an unattractive baby (I'm looking at YOU, Toby), everything will turn out fine in the end.  It's a great life lesson.

Remember how cute this little worm was? And he said "I'm just a worm" but he really knew EVERYTHING.

4. Disney's Robin Hood.  Because Robin Hood is hands-down the sexiest cartoon ever.  That voice!  OMG, I am dying right now.

Hubba, hubba...

5. Annie.  So she can learn all of the words to the songs, audition for the Broadway revival, and become famous and support me.  Fifty percent of the time, it works every time.
6. Camp Cucamonga.  Another must-see.  It stars the following: DJ Tanner, Winnie Cooper, Urkel, Paul from the Wonder Years, the guy from Clueless that Tai ends up with, Chad Allen, Jennifer Aniston, the guy who produces One Tree Hill but was first on Head of the Class, G. Gordon Liddy and John Ratzenberger.  And there is a rap.  It.  Is.  So.  Good.

Seriously, how can you not?

7. Dirty Dancing.  Don't worry, she won't figure out what the "folding table and a knife" thing means until she is 18, either.  Wait, was that just me?
8. Thumbelina.  I LOVED THIS MOVIE.  I was totally too old to watch it but did not care because I loved it SO much.  Okay, I know, I'm a creep and we're not friends anymore.  But I swear it's good!

So this is the beginning of my list.  Give me more!

It's All Right, 'Cause it's Saved by the Bell Thursday!

OMG who else is totally SWAMPED at work this week?  How do people do this all the time?!  My poor brain can't handle it.  So anyway, it's Thursday again and that of course means that we talk about random Saved by the Bell characters that flitted in and out of our lives as quickly as Jessie Spano during the Miss Bayside pageant when she is a caterpillar in a cocoon and then she emerges into a butterfly (say this in that dumb voice Jessie used when she wanted to be fancy, you know what I'm talking about).  Okay, who is it this week?  Obviously, it's Craig Strand.

Who on earth is Craig Strand, do you say?  Well, he's only Stacy Carosi's dreamy, actually preppy boyfriend from Yaaaallle... swoooooon.  He was like 587490 feet tall, and a terrible actor, and he comes to the beach club to give Stacy his pin WITHOUT EVEN WARNING HER even though she's been doin it and doin it and doin it well with Zack for weeks.  He says some dumb poem that Leon Carosi gets stars in his eyes over and there are some really tense moments when you don't know what's going to happen.  Or something.  Stacy ultimately dumps his ass and sends him back to New Haven and she is free to bone Zack's white jeans/khakis in peace. 

Like, I can't even...

What do the Internets say?  I'm sure the EXACT same thing.

Actually, it sort of does:
Craig Strand was Stacy Carosi’s preppy boyfriend from back east in Boston, a sophomore at Yale, who showed up at the beach club and interrupted Zack and Stacy’s fling, even giving Stacy his fraternity pin. Craig defeated Zack in an ATV race after bumping Zack's ATV on the last turn. Ultimately, Stacy sent Craig back home and confided her love for Zack.

But who is he?  Oh, he's searchable, friends (if you Google Craig Strand they REALLY want you to look for the Craigslist killer, don't be fooled!) and his name is Benjamin King.  It looks like he's been in one episode of every show that has ever been on television.  Seriously.  Look.  There isn't any cool trivia about him, like being The Beek's ex-sister-in-law, but at least he was on Party of Five.

Ha!

Gym Avoidance and Gisele Stalking

That's what I did at lunch today.  I forgot my gym ID, which is basically akin to forgetting your gym shoes in eighth grade - you have to sit out in your Doc Marten's while everyone else does the President's Physical Fitness Challenge (aka the worst time of my life) so I did what any normal citizen would do - shop.  So I was walking around and looking at things that I can't afford when I get a text from a girlfriend whose husband works nearby.  HE saw Gisele at our Starbucks!  I ran over (picture Chariots of Fire with less cleavage) but alas, she was already gone.  I am so jealous, he sees EVERYONE famous and I never do.  I've got to plan my strategy better.


So drunk, so Jeff Goldblum-y... this is circa 2001 so don't get any funny ideas.

So that's that.  No gym and no Gisele.  But I was thinking as I goofily ran over, totally winded, that I would probably start being active and sporty like Gisele and I'd look like her in a few weeks.  I know.  I'm deluded.

Foods with Color

Okay, what foods with color do you eat?  White and brown foods don't count.  I've got those covered: cheese, bread, Diet Coke (which I have been FIENDING for lately, and I don't even really like it that much, I just require it, which is so bad but what can you do?!), cold cuts and pasta.  Okay, what else is there?  I know you have ideas.  What do you feed yourself and your kid?  Or my kid, actually.  What would you feed my kid?

Also, how do you stop being addicted to Diet Coke?  I tried to trick myself by having wine instead, but no dice.  I mean, it was good, but I still wanted the DC.  I know it makes you fat and mean and gives you a beard (Is that one wrong?) but literally, right now I am itchy for it.  Not itchy in the same way as I was when I saw Chris Elliot, but still, pretty intense. 

This is basically what I look like right now, with a curlier mustache. Stupid Diet Coke!

Also, do NOT Google "addicted to diet coke".  Really, really weird stuff comes up. 

Obviously I don't generally do this...

But I thought I would share because I LOVE these and thought you might be interested.  If you paint your nails.  If not, think about this instead:

Dude. Can I have this ASAP?

So there is apparently this nail salon in Seattle called Julep Nail Parlor.  They make their own polishes, and they rock my world.  I paint my nails because it helps me feel like a girl even when I have baby poop in my ears and a unibrow.  Needless to say, however, I am hard on polish because I am always picking things open, washing things, you know what I mean.  Anyway, most of the brands I use have pretty colors but chip in 2 seconds (I'm looking at you Butter and Essie), but this stuff is insane.  It's awesome and completely indestructible.  And they do this thing where for $20 a month they send you a box of girly stuff - it makes me feel super fancy and fabulous.  AND they always have discounts running, so you can get your first box for like $5 and then cancel if you don't want anymore.  Basically, I'm obsessed.

So check it out, if you want to be pretty like me.  OR just not have a unibrow...

Seriously, it's awesome...

It's All Right, 'Cause it's Saved by the Bell Thursday! Part Deux

Good morning!

The next couple of weeks will be hairy at work, but then I will once again be free!  I really do love my job, which is awesome, but it does NOT consist entirely of Googling funny pictures and eating McDonalds, which are my real passions, so I am slightly disappointed to have to spend so much time away from that.  Instead, let's focus on the positive.  Like SBTB tertiary characters.  Name one thing more important.  One.  You can't, can you?  Thought so...

Okay, get excited.  Today's character is...

Laura the homeless girl!

Note: I am not in any way shape or form making fun of homeless people, that is ridiculous to even think.  I am purely making fun of how cheeseball and terrible this show is.  Okay?  Okay.  Let's move on.

Okay, so it's Christmas time.  The gang gets jobs to help pay for Christmas gifts and sharp blazers (I'm looking at you, Morris) at the mall, and Kelly gets a position (ha) at Moody's Store for Men.  She meets Laura, who is a tall drink of water from the wrong side of the wood-paneled station wagon that Zack immediately becomes smitten with.  However, the fairy-tale romance is shattered when Laura eats an apple for lunch and, as most people would immediately deduce henceforth, he figures out she is homeless.  Then her dad gets in the mix, I actually sort of forget his role outside of the fact that he passes out from not eating and there is some random scene that takes place in the men's bathroom at said mall, and then Zack brings Laura, her dad, and the whole gang, who apparently don't love their own families enough to want to spend the holidays with them (well, Kelly's family is so big she probably gets forgotten all the time, Jessie's dad is off doing it with Leslie the aerobics-instructor-second-wife, AC's dad is probably "on base" in Germany, Lisa's mom is probably working at the hospital and Screech's parents are probably at Graceland AGAIN), go to Zack's mom's house (Derek is totally making deals on his giant cellphone in some other room in the house) and as a gift, Laura and the dad sing a song.  I'm pretty sure they allude to the fact that Laura and her dad will move into the Morris home forever and then never bring them up again, and there is some Christmas play, and Mr. Moody accuses Laura of being a thief, but those parts are dumb.  Okay, what do the Internets tell us?

Why does it look like Zack is wearing a jean skirt?

According to Wikipedia, which only has real facts:
Frank and Laura Benton were a homeless father and daughter, respectively, who caught the eye of Zack and the gang around Christmas time. Laura, who worked in a department store with Kelly, seemed to be a tentative love interest for Zack during the two-part episode; she was very shy around Zack about her poverty stricken life. Zack, Slater and Screech got Frank to a hospital when he passed out at the mall from hunger, and then found out he was Laura's father. Laura's boss accused her of stealing a suit jacket that Kelly set aside to buy so Frank would have an outfit he could wear to job interviews. Later the boss apologized. Eventually the Morris family took the Bentons in until they could “get back on their feet”. They were never seen again following the end of the episode.
Their story arc marked one of the few explicitly two-part episodes of Saved by the Bell. ("The Wicked Stepbrother" and "Palm Springs Weekend" being the other two. "The Last Dance", "The Aftermath" and "Fake I.D.'s", while not listed in official "parts" and not shown side by side, were essentially the same story arc and can be loosely treated as the show's fourth multiple-episode.)

Um, okay, first of all, who knew they had a last nam?  LAME.  Also, "poverty-stricken."  And these episodes are called "A Home for Christmas".  And why is there no mention of that bathroom incident?  There TOTALLY is one.  Anyway, who is this Laura Benton in real life?  Spoiler alert: this is an awesome one.

Jennifer McComb, EX-SISTER IN LAW OF JAMES VAN DER BEEK.  Who cares about anything else, really.  This is the best one yet!  Her sister was obviously married to the Beek, and her sister starred in "No One Would Tell", which starred DJ Tanner.  It all comes full-circle friends... life is good.