Things Don't I Like and Things I Hate

When my brother was in school, he actually made a book with this title.  It is hands-down the funniest thing that ever happened, because he MEANT IT.

Also, he wore a tuxedo to school everyday. 

Anyway, maybe we should clear a few things up right from the start.  I say this because I often find people think of my one way, and then they are shocked and saddened to find out I am not.  Well, let me explain.  Basically, I'm so insecure that I want you to know EXACTLY what you are getting into, okay?  Okay.

  1. I used to be a writer.  Like, a realish one.  I had a column in a paper that probably everyone skipped over to get to the good stuff, but I swear I really did used to do this.  I'm like D.B. Sweeney in The Cutting Edge, trying to reclaim my lost glory.  Well, I never really had "glory", per se, but I did used to write.  So I am a hack, but only a moderate one.
  2. I love TV.  I really, really love it.  I don't really let my kid watch TV on purpose, but it's on, so she's going to see it, and I'm okay with that.  I'm also going to be okay with letting her have McDonalds every once in a while when she's bigger.  Anyway, I make many non-mainstream TV and movie references all the time and get really mad when nobody knows what I'm talking about.
    1. My favorite show is Saved by the Bell.  I have the board game. I have every episode on DVD.  NO, not the College Years.  Those are fake and stupid, though I did want to cut my hair like Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.  Probably I still do.
    2. My favorite movies are Breakfast at Tiffany's and Billy Madison.  Maybe that sums it up?
  3. Lilly Pulitzer is hands-down my favorite thing ever, but it doesn't really fit me.  I don't care, I buy it and wear it anyway because I LOVE IT. 
  4. I love wine.  LOVE it.  I used to hate it, but now it's all I drink.  I used to drink whiskey, but now it makes me sick.  Mostly because it makes me think I'm in college again, which is definitely NOT the case for many reasons (which I won't divulge right now.  Dude, we just met!  I'm not giving it up already!  It's not like I'm in... wait a sec...)
  5. Five is my favorite number and the volume on my TV, radio, whatever, has to either end in a 0,2,4,5,6 or 8.  Like, the volume can be at 18, but if it's at 19 I get inexplicably nervous and irritated.
Think I'll stop at five for now.  Did you know that you are supposed to write out numbers zero through nine as actual words and once you hit 10, you can go with numbers?  It's a fact.  I think that's right, anyway.  Maybe I just made it up.

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