Here's Why We Can't be Friends - an Open Letter to THOSE Moms

Okay, so having two kids is fun, but I'm toasted. Therefore, we need to talk.

Not about how my turkey son is a junk sleeper. Not about how my turkey daughter refuses to play on a playground. But about how freaking UPPITY all of these parents I've been meeting lately are.

Cue "Why Can't We be Friends?" and then let's all drink beer and watch Dazed and Confused.

No, seriously. Here's why we can't be friends.

Everyone I have been meeting lately (when you stay home, you are forced by proximity to meet a lot of new people - like at the playground, library, booze section of Trader Joe's) has had an OPINION. You know what I mean? Like, "Oh, I would NEVER feed my kids (insert food kids eat here)." Or, "Oh, I have no idea who Dora is, we don't watch TV."

First of all, liar. If you don't know who Dora is, you are dumb. Everyone knows who Dora is. And if you don't feed your kids grilled cheese, chicken nuggets and french fries, guess what. That's great. But I'm not a lesser parent because I do. So shut your trap.

I am all for everyone raising their kids differently - how are you supposed to learn new ways of tricking your kids into doing what you want? But, barring abuse, neglect, etc., everyone is doing their best so back off. Nobody needs to hear from a stranger, or someone who doesn't have your specific kid, what they think you should be doing.

I love this blog: www.modgblog.com, and the girl who writes it wants to stop because idiots are being, well, idiots and making her feel badly. I think that sucks. She's parenting the way she feels is right and people are giving her crap? It's not anyone's place to be judgmental anywhere, ever.

And why is it that the junkiest, meanest moms are also always the ugliest ones in mom jeans? There HAS to be a connection, don't you think?

Anyway, that's what's been on my mind lately and I wanted to see if I was the only one who felt this way. Eat organic. Don't. Bring your kids into your bed. Don't. Who cares? Just make happy, nice kids.

And if you can figure out how to get a baby to sleep 12 hours straight, I promise I won't talk about you behind your back anymore. Promise!