It is definitely cookout weather. Let's do a cookout playlist. That, in my world, would be shut off in under 2 seconds and someone else would put on something stupid and I would become furious. But this is my fantasy cookout, where the following is served:
Hot dogs with cheese
Tater tots
ABTs (jalapeno, cream cheese, cheddar and bacon in a smoker - HEAVEN)
Lone Star beer
And the following will be on rotation on the iPod. I am sure I have talked about all of these before, but this is MY cookout and that's how we do:
Oh How Happy
Come Sail Away (probably I told you we played this as our last song at our wedding and it was a total middle school dance and it was AWESOME)
Down on the Corner
Here Comes my Baby
If You Wanna be Happy
Midnight Special
Downtown
Red Rubber Ball
Southern Cross
The Mighty Quinn
You Never Even Called me by my Name
Or, The Lovin' Spoonful's Greatest Hits. On repeat.
The best part would be if I have already done this one (entirely likely) and forgot. Whatev, we're doing Nurse Jennifer today. That's what she said AND that's what Zack said. To Kelly. Meanie! Okay, here's what happened:
Zack has finally won Kelly's cameltoe favor and things are awesome. She wants to go steady and everything is perfect, right?
WRONG. Nurse Hatcher, or whatever her name is, goes crazy and starts giving flu shots to the flag pole, In walks Nurse Jennifer with her lush bangs and tiny nurse's "coat", and drives poor Zacky wild. So much so that he thinks it is a good idea, as a 15 year old, to dump his also 15 year old girlfriend in order to go after a 30 year old. It makes total sense. Zack encourages Kelly to meet new people while Zack goes to the nurse's office to put the moves on his lady fair...
Wait - is this the Melvin Nerdley episode, too!? It can't be. That's too much plot.
So in Zack goes, hormones a-blazin', to seduce "Jen", and in a hilarious twist of fate, Slater is in the office, too! He pretends to be Nurse J and totally dupes Preppy into thinking true love is about to bloom. In the meantime, Slater tells on Zack (jealous much, Slater? It's not Zack's fault you wear low-cut tanks) to Jennifer and she "teaches him a lesson he'll never forget!"
That could be a drinking game. Just saying. They say it ALL the time.
So Jennifer pretends she is married to a psycho killer (qu'est que c'est) wrestler and scares Zack away and then I think Kelly dumps him for Melvin Nerdley and his lambada moves and then in the next episode it's like none of this ever happened.
But what REALLY happened??
Nurse Jennifer Nurse Jennifer (played by Nancy Valen) was a school nurse that showed up for only one episode during sophomore year to replace Nurse “Blind-as-a-bat” Butcher. Zack decided to scrap his plans for a steady relationship with Kelly in order to pursue a romance with Jennifer. However, Jennifer was aware of the plot and managed to frighten Zack away by coming on to him and saying that she needed to escape her violent husband who is a professional wrestler (which may or may not have been true).
Okay, LOVE this. It may or may not have been true! We'll never know! I feel like this woman is in SO many random things and I always yell "Nurse Jennifer" when she is onscreen and nobody knows but me. But we need more episode info...
From Nurse to Worse Just after Zack asks Kelly to go steady with him, Zack falls for the new school nurse, leaving Kelly out in the cold. Things go from bad to worse for Zack when both the nurse and Kelly find out which results in Nurse Jennifer scaring Zack by tricking him into thinking she's a homicidal maniac, and Kelly dumps Zack for another guys and gets her revenge too.
From Nurse to Worse! Oh, Jennifer, we love you, your long hair, your dress you pretend is a t-shirt, and the way everyone thinks you are hotter than Kelly.
Seriously, I threw out my copies of Newlyweds. Don't pretend you didn't have them, too! So why do I care at all about her baby? It cannot be explained. Much like the origins of San Diego or licks to the center of the Tootsie Pop, the world may never know.
Oh, and I tried to find a Jessica Simpson song that I like - couldn't find ONE. But THIS song is awesome. So, so awesome.
How are we going to do Search Term Thursday? I am stressed.
Anyway, I have been gone because starting last Monday, I got "the bug". I started feeling normal on Saturday. That is many, many days of puking. I don't even remember a lot of it. But Bink didn't get it so PHEW. All is okay with the world. But that's why I've been gone. I'm excited to read everyone else's stuff.
This looks more like Wordpress, which I barely understand so now I feel even more dumber. Anyway, let's talk about some Very Important Things.
1. Veronica Mars is now in syndication on Soapnet.
2. Bink's new catchphrase is "It cannot be!"
3. Seriously, that's all I've got. I was SO sick!!
4. No, wait. We went to this AWESOME little zoo this weekend and Bink was in heaven. Her favorite was the llama. She told everyone she met for the rest of the weekend that she met a llama. She's not wrong. And then we went to my beach house, which was awesome. We got ice cream at the ice cream place and the boy scooping was nine. No, he was. He said. He was VERY businesslike and professional, but unfortunately, they were out of jimmies. Then the man in line behind us said "Your son is very large. Is he three-plus?" and I tried not to laugh in his face, but may not have succeeded. He was weird! And Bink was wearing this:
Don't eat it. Or learn how to make it correctly. But really, just don't. I made some last night and it was like eating tiny rocks. It is wretched. Stick to McDonald's. You're welcome.
I have bought so much in the last few days it is not to be believed. For myself. I am officially on a shopping ban until at LEAST Memorial Day. (J - you more than deserve your jeans, I went WAY overboard)
Note: I do not feel guilty. I work and I deserve treats. This was just a lot of treats all at once and now I need to back up off it, like Lindsay Lohan in her classic hit "Rumors". Don't pretend you don't know it.
What is this stuff? I was a good citizen and bought some, but now I don't know what to do with it. I'm trying to get Pinterest to tell me what to do with it, but I can't find much that I don't hate. Why did I spend $2 on organic millet?! I should have bought a scratcher instead.
And someone just opened a can of soda behind me. Now I want soda. I don't think millet would approve. Why is it so judgemental?!
Bink is a good girl. She is full of sass and class and would NEVER say anything like "sass and class" but probably would think it was funny if I didn't say it. But I am still stuck on what to feed this kid. Thoughts? Here is what she will eat:
Fruitsies - those ridiculously expensive fruit pouches. She would exist on them solely if she could.
Cheese
Eggs
Chicken SOMETIMES
Sweet potatoes SOMETIMES
Toast with cream cheese (vom. I hate this one)
Hummus (which she definitely calls hummus yummus)
Raisins
Waffles
Turkey breast
I think that is it.
Ideas? Anyone? She is normal size and all of that junk, but I feel like this SUCKS. Also, she HATES pasta. Yeah. So, okay. Gimme menus and gimme wads of cash. Fine, just the first one.
Okay, Easter was nice. That is all I really have with regard to that.
The big thing that was going on, secretly, in my head, was that I was convinced I was dying. Let me explain. I neeeever get headaches. Never. But starting on Thursday, I was knocked on my a$$ by a headache like I've never had. The only logical reason that I could come up with that I was having these headaches at all was that I, too, had an amangioma, like Jordan did in the later episodes of Crossing Jordan. After much secret stress and desire to have lovely skin like Jill Hennessy, I saw an Allegra commercial and realized that MAYBE my headache was not in fact a non-lethal tumor wrapped around my carotid artery, like Jordan, but allergies. So I took a pill and then was fine. BUT I was beside myself for four days, which I realize is beyond dumb, but whatever. I'm fine now and probably need some wine.
Easter was cool this year, so the outfit situation was less than ideal. I had some awesomely loud Lilly Pulitzer for both Bink and myself, but we basically ended up in jeans.
So this was a very awesome and fun weekend. I had 24 hours to myself and it was so great. Verrrry necessary and now I don't want to be away from Bink for another 4 solid months. Especially because when she was leaving, I dramatically said, "I miss you already!" to which she replied, "Miss you, too, Mommy."
WHAAAAT?! I know. So I almost didn't let her go but in the end I'm glad I did because she had a ball and I had a ball and that's a whole lotta balls, and that's never a bad thing.
Also, I cleaned my bathroom with salt and a grapefruit. I wouldn't do it again, because I would rather eat it, but it did get the job done, and I cleaned the rest of the house with all natural homemade cleaning solution and it is very clean but there were no fumes, which was nice.
Booze-springa was a success. This weekend is Easter, and the next weekend my bestie is coming to town and we are going to have a LOT of fun. I will leave you with this:
