Halloween Hipsters

There are people in my office today wearing costumes pretending they hate to be wearing a costume.  Do you know what I mean?  Like, either wear a costume and own it, or don't wear one.  Obvi.

So tonight is my first night in a real house with real trick-or-treaters.  Do you think they will be mad that I am giving out Mary Jane's and Bullseyes?

KIDDING.  Those are the worst candies ever after Circus Peanuts.  Yuck.  I am giving out awesome candy, of course, with a non-chocolate option for the allergic kids.  It will be a little hectic, as Bink and I are flying solo (working Husband) so I am going to take her around and then hand out candy.  Ambitious, I know, but I was treasurer of the German Club in high school, so we should be good.

Also, during the Sandy storm, I watched the episode where Joey gives it up to Pacey three times in a row.  That is all.


I KNEW there was something else!

Two things.  Okay.  So this has been kind of a weird week.  Yesterday, to make myself feel better, I got a bagel at my favorite bagel place by my office.  Now, the bagel kid and I are good friends.  In "that" way.  Not really, I mean, we've never made out or anything, but he does give me extra pickles when I order sandwiches from there (they do breakfast AND lunch, heaven), so that is basically the same thing, or a further base.  So I order my bagel, and while he is toasting it, he flips on his beatbox, and BLASTS the song "Ass & Titties", from like 20 years ago.  This is a song that everyone knows and is obsessed with, but like, you don't ever hear it on the radio.  It's just something that gets passed along, like when Andrea and Steve went to exchange the egg on that 90210 episode where Emily Valentine drugs Brandon so they could do it?  Or he would dance?  I forget.  And don't care.

Anyway, he turns it up all the way, and I am dying laughing because it is so ridiculous, and the owner comes running out from the back and is like "TURN THAT DOWN!" because it is FILTHY, and the kid, not joking, says "I can't help that I'm a gangsta."  Like, there was no way he could have prevented the incident.  And he toasted my bagel extra dark, which is just how I like my bagels and men.  Um, what?  Anyway, it was the best thing ever and I wasn't sad anymore.

For your viewing pleasure.  I didn't watch this, so I really hope it isn't super dirty:

My Rhino-Trophy-Head brings all the boys to the yard...

I was going to take the plunge and buy it today - but it is sold out!!  I'm so sad.  I totally know one of you bought it - show yourself!  Or don't.  However, One King's Lane has "The Winter Lodge" sale today, which is of course rife with trophy heads.  Ideally, I'd like a real one (and nobody give me any of that "hunting is murder" crap, I'm guessing you've never done it, and if you truly did, you would know that it isn't like that), but I feel like a fakey will do fine in the interim.

Anyway, onto other important things.  Like how I made a total garbage salad today (everything fresh in the fridge went in here) and it's not pretty.  Actually, it stinks (not literally, it just doesn't taste good) and I almost want to call Husband to warn him to go get a good salad - or whatever he wants, because this one will ruin his day.  It has already ruined mine... dah duuuuuuh....

So, now that I've forgiven you for totally copying me and stealing my rhinocerous head (I would have named him Timothy, HOW could you have done that to Timothy??  Kidding.  I wouldn't have named him.  I would have let Bink do it, because she insists everything has a name, and it can't be a cop-out name, like "apple-y", it has to be a legit name and you have to remember what it is or else she will destroy you.), let's discuss important things.  Um... like...

I'll have to get back to you. :)


Decorating and Netflix

So now I am suburb-y, which means I am even lazier than I used to be, because I now only leave my town for work (dumb) - everything else is basically here.  I love suburbs!  I also love not living next door to a drug den, but that's another story.  Anyway, all I do is chase Bink around until she makes me go play in a different room (this happens at least once a day), decorate, and watch old Dawson's Creek episodes on Netflix.  If I had a cool phone or took nice pictures I would totally show you what we've got so far, but neither are happening so I will tell you that I just got this and it is extra cute:

I got it at a store in Portland, ME, but you can get it online, like, anywhere.

We have a playroom that we keep Bink's stuff and our decrepit couches in, which is fine because I don't care if they get destroyed, but I am trying to class it up a teeny bit.  But really, anywhere I am is the epitome of class.  Or something. 

Also, in our foyer, I forced my dad (what, he is good at it and I am NOT) to paint a card table that we had candy-apple red and I put down a black and white chevron rug with a sunburst mirror and it is bank.  Again, I have no pictures but this is the rug:
Alexa Chevron Vibe Zebra Black/ White Rug (4' x 5'7)
Cute and hides stains with its' busyness.  Busy-ness?
So decorating is super fun and my next purchase is going to be some sort of antler.  I married into a hunting family, so really, I'd like Husband to bag a deer (I think that is how fancy hunters say it, but probably not) and we could have a REAL head, but in the interim I'm looking for the fakies for our man-town living room.  

Tozai Rhinoceros Trophy Head
I like that this is a rhinoceros. That is all.
When I'm not doing this, I am watching season 3 of Dawson's Creek and holding out for when Pacey and Joey bone.  It is so, so good.  Like, as awesome as I remember it being in 1999.  And obviously I think I am Joey Potter.  Obviously.  Oh, Pacey... sigh...


I'll Make Love to You Tuesday

So I've imposed a shopping ban.  And everything in the world is cute and buyable.  So I may break that today, we will see.  Anyway, here are some awesome things you can buy or read or watch or listen to.

Body by Bethenny.  I bought this because they used to have it for free on OnDemand and they took it away and it only cost $8 and I am obsessed.  I HATE exercising but realize that it is very necessary and therefore I do this one.  Love it.

Don't hate it and it's doable, the only things I look for in exercise.
Maybelline The Falsies Flared Volum'Express mascara.  My first love is the Trish McEvoy tubie mascara, but it dries out within a few months and it costs $30 so a budget friendly version was in order.  This one, I love.  But you need to use eyemakeup remover to take it off and not look like a morning after hobag, even if that is what you are. 

Total drag queen lashes. Fabulous.
Animal prints for Bink.  So, I hate light pink and girly stuff.  Well, not entirely true but I hate dressing Bink in babyish clothes.  She is fun and flirty and should be dressed accordingly.  Fun and flirty!  Anyway, girlfriend's fall and winter wardrobe is comprised of hot pinks, reds, and animal prints.  It is SO cute.  GapKids has a ton of cute stuff, but of course I can't find anything online, and I got some fleeces from Old Navy and Kohls.  It all goes together in a Garanimals type of way, and it's super cute. 

Love this when it goes on super crazy sale. Because Bink grows WAY too fast for a $60 dress. I don't even wear $60 dresses.

One King's Lane.  They have sales!  And it's fabulous!  And it's awesome.  Seriously, I found some really cool stuff for Bink and Turkish towels for super cheap so I can be Gwyneth Paltrow.  Because all I truly want is to either be Paul Simon or Gwyneth Paltrow.  And click on this link and I'll get tons of cash:  BUY ME!!

Now for an honorable mention: The Mindy Project.  So the first episode was okay, the second one was funny, and the third one sucked.  I will continue to give her a chance, but I really hope it gets funnier, because I feel like that crazy nurse guy could be HILARIOUS.

Why having feelings about snakes never gets you anywhere

Okay, so there is a snake living under a rock in our front yard.  Two eyes, not one.  Sinner!  That wasn't funny.  Anyway, obviously we are all terrified of snakes, which led to significant debate regarding whether or not anyone should like snakes.  Like, not be afraid of snakes.  Here are the arguments:

If you are afraid of snakes, that is normal.

If you are not afraid of snakes, that is dangerous, because then you would not be scared of a snake biting you and killing you.

If you are not afraid of snakes, then you are a creep who likes snakes.

You're welcome.

Okay, I was going to put a picture of a snake here, but all of them scared me.  So here are the Olsen twins.

How rude. And snakes.


Breaking Up with Breaking Amish

Okay, so last night while I was folding and putting things away, I decided to relax with everyone's favorite non-English, the crazy kids from Breaking Amish.  And I had to shut it off.  Now, before you get all up in arms, like, "she is so snobby!" I will remind you that I have Phat Girlz on my DVR and I will never, EVER get rid of it.  So it's not like I think it's bad because I have good taste.  I have very, very bad taste.  But even I cannot do it.  It is SO BAD.

First of all, it is SO fake.  Now, I don't mind fake reality TV - I own the 6-episode stint Britney did back when she was married to Kevin (do you like the way I rock it?  Boy, it's chaotic), but this is painful.  Like, Abe's mother showed up with Rebecca's family - like, they're not supposed to know each other, but since in real life they, like, have a CHILD together, obviously they do.  And Rebecca and KateAshleeSimpson decide to be models?  Come on.  So stupid.  I finally shut it off when Jeremiah went into that store and put on the Slash hat and looked like a tiny ringmaster in the Olivia books.  It was just too much.

I'm not recording these anymore, which is something I rarely do.  Commitment is a very big part of my life, but this is just too terrible to bear.  Let's find a new awful show to obsess over.  I think Hart of Dixie is coming back soon...

I thought this was Rebecca giving the finger. It is not.

You're welcome.

I'll Make Love to You Tuesday

Throw your clothes!  On the floor!  I wanna ta-ake my clo-othes off, too-ooh-ooh...

So, we are moved.  Not all the way done, obviously, is this sort of thing ever done?  But we're living there, which is so nice.  Also, Bink has been getting up at 4:30 - thoughts?  Besides "that really sucks?"  I know.  But she loves it.  It's too bad my neighbors are probably calling CPS because last night, we went for a nice little walk on our street.  We live in a cul-de-sac and we were taking a little walk when our nature-loving Bink decides to get up close and personal with a bug on the sidewalk.  So lays flat on her face on said sidewalk and starts licking it.  Yes, licking it.  I say "We don't do that, let's get up!" and try to coax her onto her feet.  No dice.  Of course.  So, in an attempt to calmly get her up, I go to pick her up.  You know where this is going.  MELTDOWN CITY.  I am sure all of my neighbors are horrified and will take back the banana muffins they gave us last week. 

Onto the good stuff...

1. COSTCO.  Yeah, we joined this weekend.  And it was AMAAAAAAZING.  Kirkland brand for LIFE.  I bought three different kinds of macaroni and cheese and I am SO excited.  Also, their lotion is awesome - just the plain one - it's like $8 for two huge bottles and I am soft as a baby's cheek.  I don't like to say bottom, btw.

2. WineMcDonalds.  There is a building down the street from me that contains a McDonalds and a wine store.  There is a large opening in the middle of the store so you can easily go back and forth between.  It is the most wonderful place in the whole, wide world.  It's basically all I talk about to Husband and even he is like "yeah, it is pretty cool."  Because it is also SHADY as f@ck.  I am so in love it is not to be believed.  Probably I'll describe this place in more detail soon, because it definitely deserves it.

3. Skinny pants.  Seriously, where have they been all my life?  I am all hips and thighs and love loose tops and these make my life easy and wonderful in all areas.  Today (as well as the previous three days) I have been wearing my moleskin skinny pants from Banana from, like four years ago, and I cannot stop checking myself out.  I know, obnoxious, but I love them!

Okay, that's it for now.  Mwah.